Where do I go from here?

I have been neglecting my blog when I still need to write and journal. I need to vent sometimes and keep things inside or use other outlets. I don’t always know what to write or how to express myself. I need to work on that.

A Social Security Disability application was filled and appealed this past spring. I received a letter in the mail today that it was denied again. I don’t know what the next step will be. I’ll have to talk to the lawyer with the legal assistance office. I don’t know if it could be appealed again or if I should try to hold a part-time job. I desperately need money. I can’t get all the living supplies or clothing I need from the organization that houses me. I also have a physician prescribed Emotional Support Animal to care for that provides me much needed help for my moods and emotions related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression.

I don’t know what comes next. I wish life was less complicated. I have psychiatric issues and chronic physical pain from fibromyalgia and arthritis. Working at a job, even part-time, would be difficult and have limitations. There is a lot to figure out.

If You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get

Well worth the read and so true!

mary meyer, freelance writer

I don’t go crazy over celebrities.

You could tell me that the world’s biggest star was right across the street and I would still stay home. So when my sister asked me to take her on Friday to the groundbreaking ceremony for the new Wahlburgers in St. Charles, Illinois, I was less than thrilled.

But Trish is not one to be shut down when she has an idea. My 58-year-old sister with Down syndrome has spent her entire life asking for whatever seems reasonable to her, even when it’s completely unrealistic to others. It was obvious to her that she should be at this event because she loves Donnie Wahlberg, New Kids on the Block and the television show Bluebloods. She would certainly be the most important attendee. I didn’t have a stronger reason for not going, so off we went.

Once there, it was obvious that despite the…

View original post 833 more words

Daughter’s Car Accident GoFundMe

My 24 year old daughter Kerry was involved in a winter weather related car accident when her car went off the road and into a snowbank. She is low income, but works two jobs. She has insurance but the damage will not be covered. She lives in an area without access to public transportation and is in great need of getting her car fixed. A GoFundMe has been to started to try to help cover the car repairs. If you know my story, I am unable to help her. I haven’t worked since I was homeless due to mental health issues and chronic rheumatic pain. I have no income. It would be helpful if you could please donate to the GoFundMe campaign. Even$1 or $5 adds up and will help! Thanks for your help and for sharing! Here is the link:


Margarita Monday

I am wasting time waiting for my TV shows to start and drinking a margarita. OMG I love margaritas! But enough about that. Okay, maybe. So it’s one of my favorite – if not top favorite drink. Lime or flavored, what do I care? It’s delicious! Tonight is lime. I have no agave so I am making do with what I have. Still very good! I wish I could enjoy life like this more, and with friends. I honestly don’t know if I could  even get enough people over to my new apartment for a party. I don’t think anyone would show up. Or not many. Maybe I am to harsh in what I believe. I don’t have a lot of  luck in the friends department. People who are really willing to go out of there way to say hello and be willing to have fun together. Or maybe I am just being a negative thinker. I don’t know. I sadly don’t have a lot of luck getting people to hang out with me. I wish it would be the opposite. Maybe I am just too weird for people. I am very socially awkward. That can inhibit my desired lifestyle quite a bit. And if you are actually still reading this post, God bless you. I guess I don’t have enough self confidence to believe  that anyone would really care what I say. I know that some people would, like family. But do I really have enough actual friends? I wish I did.

Five minutes before my TV shows start. Time to prepare. Bathroom break and snacks, whatever I need in advance. And to y0u for still reading this, thank you hugs.

When Friends Know Too Much (And Where I Hide The Bodies)

I used to post here more regularly. Over the years it became less and less. Really, I have so much to say! It’s just that for one reason or another I have more difficulty with the words. My writer’s block often comes from, perhaps, my own imagination and being afraid to share my life and thoughts.

I have personally met and come to know many people from social media, and they, me. It is wonderful to have so many connections! Most came to know me over social media and events because of how I used Twitter and social networking to find housing and get off the streets when I was homeless. Social media and speaking at events has allowed me to open up more, sharing my feelings and life with the world. As others follow me in real life and online they get to know more about me – as I call it, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I know it’s probably just me, but I keep thinking that once people learn more about me and my mental health issues, they will no longer want to be around me. Nobody ever wants to hang out over coffee or something. Where as I was once included as a friend, I am now forgotten about, or so it seems.

Sometimes it may be true that stigma or other reasons may play a part. In reality, I think my mind, in sense, tries to “bury” when I feel that perhaps my friends know too much about me, and how crazy I am. So I become more secluded with each rejection. They can’t know more about me if I don’t talk. The more I stay in seclusion, the more socially awkward I become. That in turn can lead to more problems with my mental health. I may avoid people, opting instead for watching TV, using the internet, or playing games on my tablet.

I used to post about everything on this blog. Now for several reasons I choose to censor myself… way too much. There are feelings I should sometimes talk about – if not with a real person, at least a virtual one. But I am afraid. I am afraid that I will not be accepted by others. Though so many people have felt similarly before. I know those people would understand. But I am silent.

Keeping Up the Momentum

It can be hard to be inspired. Sometimes I have the inspiration, but my technology isn’t optimum. So what do I do? Often, I do nothing. I admit that is not the best strategy. It’s the worst. I am trying to work on that. I am regularly attending a WordPress blogging class at Next Door. I try to jot down a note on a topic from time to time. The thing I really need to work on is the action of writing and publishing the post. I am doing that tonight. The blogging class with Joan Margau has freshly ended just over an hour ago. I think the most popular phrase tonight was “keeping up with the momentum”. What inspires and motivates us to blog — to write and click publish? Well, for me, tonight’s class does part of that. I walked into the class with sort of a craving. The other part comes from a bottle of momentum. I used  birthday money to buy a cheap bottle of wine. I haven’t had much. It’s just been so long since I had any that a glass or two feels nice. It makes for extra motivation, the delusion of being a normal grown up. Maybe I am just using writing the blog post as an excuse to have wine. Maybe the wine is part of the momentum contributing to writing it. Whichever it is, I am getting the project done. I am writing and soon I will do the final action:  clicking the publish button.

Reliving desperation and admiration

I interviewed with a BBC Radio show today. (It won’t air until next week. I’ll let you know when.) The topic for the host started out as basically, people being almost addicted to their cell phones. Then by chance during an internet search she came across my story.

If you somehow aren’t aware yet, I first joined Twitter and social media in 2009 while I was homeless. What started out as me not knowing a thing about Twitter or how to even use it, quickly grew to experiences that I’d have never dreamed of ever having! I could use computers at the library during the day, but other than that, I mostly tweeted by SMS/text message from my phone. My phone was my life — my dire connection to the world in my times of need. I could call someone, text or email by SMS. I didn’t have a smartphone. Just a simple, basic phone. A dumb phone. In fact, that’s the type of phone I use now.

I had unlimited texting so I could post messages to Twitter as much as I wanted, anytime I wanted, all day and all night. Whenever I had a need to say something. Which, back then, was quite a lot! I posted about my activities, shared thoughts or information on jobs or things I heard about, and wrote volumes of tweets from my emotions.

Fear, anxiety, and prayers dominated many of my tweets. I shared a number of hopes and wishes, too. There were many nights I lied on the ground, afraid and paranoid that someone would come up to me in the night. Is someone watching? Is someone here? Who is here watching me? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) affected me severely. There I was alone, but I couldn’t tell because my mind conjured up invisible people who might have been lurking.

I kept my “security blanket” tightly in hand all night. My phone was my connection to the world. Anytime I needed to say something, to vent, to express my fears, somebody was able to hear me. I couldn’t get their replies until I went to the computers at the library the next day, but they were there. Somebody cared. Another person suffered the same plight of PTSD once. I’m really not alone.

The tweets from my phone led to development of virtual and real-life relationships with people and businesses. Through my sincerity and openness of my life, stigma changed to acceptance, understanding, and kindness. I got to see God’s love in action, and emotion. These people — my social media followers — said that I changed them for the better. What I saw is how they changed me.

Sharing my story online and in real life at speaking engagements has helped me to open up. I am still shy and very socially awkward, but I am much more open with my emotions. Having constant access to my phone and being able to tweet by text has been extremely therapeutic.

I still tweet Clint Eastwood style — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes I feel that I share too much. But I need to get things out. Sometimes I need to vent. In a way, being able to tweet and vent my emotions is more than emotionally therapeutic. It can also be protective against bad thoughts so I don’t try to self-injure. I haven’t done any cutting in however many years. It doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes still have those thoughts about doing it. So I greatly appreciate the kindness and compassion from all of you, my followers. A small gift, a kind word, a hug. It means the world to me! God’s love in action, indeed.

I discussed all of these areas and more on the BBC Radio show. (Again, I will share the link to the broadcast after it airs.) Talking about these things have so much effect on me emotionally! Ever since then my thoughts have been on all of my followers and how you have affected me, the place you have in my heart. I am reliving the desperation of my past and the admiration and love for the compassion I have received. Thank you all so much!

PS: Side note to Joan of Real Time Paradigm, my blogging teacher at NextDoor:  I clicked “Publish”! 😜

Hackers ‘can detect your butt plug from outside your house – and turn it on’ | Metro News

Can also ‘detect’ your smart sex toys from outside your house

Source: Hackers ‘can detect your butt plug from outside your house – and turn it on’ | Metro News

Police Apprehend Pig; Suspect Was On The Loose For Weeks; Bail Not Determined

(HENRICO, Va.) — A pot-bellied pig that had been on the loose for weeks in a Virginia neighborhood has been nabbed by police. The Richmond Times-Dispatch reports that the pig had become a familiar sight in Henrico’s Twin Hickory subdivision as it scurried around the neighborhood. Police finally caught the pig Tuesday morning after it…

via Watch: Fugitive Pot-Bellied Pig Has Standoff With Police on Busy Highway — TIME

Is being open and honest the best social media policy? #survey #poll

I am doing a little research and would like your thoughts on best social media practices with honesty in posting, and the blocking–or following–of accounts that regularly post truthful feedback, both negatively and positively. I am particularly interested in views of businesses and organizations, those who have expertise in online marketing and other aspects of the online etiquette and behavior of consumers and business. I am interested in how consumers feel business and organizational accounts treat them for posting their honest experiences and reviews as well. Please comment below or email padschicago@aol.com. Thank you!