Margarita Monday

I am wasting time waiting for my TV shows to start and drinking a margarita. OMG I love margaritas! But enough about that. Okay, maybe. So it’s one of my favorite – if not top favorite drink. Lime or flavored, what do I care? It’s delicious! Tonight is lime. I have no agave so I am making do with what I have. Still very good! I wish I could enjoy life like this more, and with friends. I honestly don’t know if I could  even get enough people over to my new apartment for a party. I don’t think anyone would show up. Or not many. Maybe I am to harsh in what I believe. I don’t have a lot of  luck in the friends department. People who are really willing to go out of there way to say hello and be willing to have fun together. Or maybe I am just being a negative thinker. I don’t know. I sadly don’t have a lot of luck getting people to hang out with me. I wish it would be the opposite. Maybe I am just too weird for people. I am very socially awkward. That can inhibit my desired lifestyle quite a bit. And if you are actually still reading this post, God bless you. I guess I don’t have enough self confidence to believe  that anyone would really care what I say. I know that some people would, like family. But do I really have enough actual friends? I wish I did.

Five minutes before my TV shows start. Time to prepare. Bathroom break and snacks, whatever I need in advance. And to y0u for still reading this, thank you hugs.


When Friends Know Too Much (And Where I Hide The Bodies)

I used to post here more regularly. Over the years it became less and less. Really, I have so much to say! It’s just that for one reason or another I have more difficulty with the words. My writer’s block often comes from, perhaps, my own imagination and being afraid to share my life and thoughts.

I have personally met and come to know many people from social media, and they, me. It is wonderful to have so many connections! Most came to know me over social media and events because of how I used Twitter and social networking to find housing and get off the streets when I was homeless. Social media and speaking at events has allowed me to open up more, sharing my feelings and life with the world. As others follow me in real life and online they get to know more about me – as I call it, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I know it’s probably just me, but I keep thinking that once people learn more about me and my mental health issues, they will no longer want to be around me. Nobody ever wants to hang out over coffee or something. Where as I was once included as a friend, I am now forgotten about, or so it seems.

Sometimes it may be true that stigma or other reasons may play a part. In reality, I think my mind, in sense, tries to “bury” when I feel that perhaps my friends know too much about me, and how crazy I am. So I become more secluded with each rejection. They can’t know more about me if I don’t talk. The more I stay in seclusion, the more socially awkward I become. That in turn can lead to more problems with my mental health. I may avoid people, opting instead for watching TV, using the internet, or playing games on my tablet.

I used to post about everything on this blog. Now for several reasons I choose to censor myself… way too much. There are feelings I should sometimes talk about – if not with a real person, at least a virtual one. But I am afraid. I am afraid that I will not be accepted by others. Though so many people have felt similarly before. I know those people would understand. But I am silent.

Keeping Up the Momentum

It can be hard to be inspired. Sometimes I have the inspiration, but my technology isn’t optimum. So what do I do? Often, I do nothing. I admit that is not the best strategy. It’s the worst. I am trying to work on that. I am regularly attending a WordPress blogging class at Next Door. I try to jot down a note on a topic from time to time. The thing I really need to work on is the action of writing and publishing the post. I am doing that tonight. The blogging class with Joan Margau has freshly ended just over an hour ago. I think the most popular phrase tonight was “keeping up with the momentum”. What inspires and motivates us to blog — to write and click publish? Well, for me, tonight’s class does part of that. I walked into the class with sort of a craving. The other part comes from a bottle of momentum. I used  birthday money to buy a cheap bottle of wine. I haven’t had much. It’s just been so long since I had any that a glass or two feels nice. It makes for extra motivation, the delusion of being a normal grown up. Maybe I am just using writing the blog post as an excuse to have wine. Maybe the wine is part of the momentum contributing to writing it. Whichever it is, I am getting the project done. I am writing and soon I will do the final action:  clicking the publish button.

Reliving desperation and admiration

I interviewed with a BBC Radio show today. (It won’t air until next week. I’ll let you know when.) The topic for the host started out as basically, people being almost addicted to their cell phones. Then by chance during an internet search she came across my story.

If you somehow aren’t aware yet, I first joined Twitter and social media in 2009 while I was homeless. What started out as me not knowing a thing about Twitter or how to even use it, quickly grew to experiences that I’d have never dreamed of ever having! I could use computers at the library during the day, but other than that, I mostly tweeted by SMS/text message from my phone. My phone was my life — my dire connection to the world in my times of need. I could call someone, text or email by SMS. I didn’t have a smartphone. Just a simple, basic phone. A dumb phone. In fact, that’s the type of phone I use now.

I had unlimited texting so I could post messages to Twitter as much as I wanted, anytime I wanted, all day and all night. Whenever I had a need to say something. Which, back then, was quite a lot! I posted about my activities, shared thoughts or information on jobs or things I heard about, and wrote volumes of tweets from my emotions.

Fear, anxiety, and prayers dominated many of my tweets. I shared a number of hopes and wishes, too. There were many nights I lied on the ground, afraid and paranoid that someone would come up to me in the night. Is someone watching? Is someone here? Who is here watching me? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) affected me severely. There I was alone, but I couldn’t tell because my mind conjured up invisible people who might have been lurking.

I kept my “security blanket” tightly in hand all night. My phone was my connection to the world. Anytime I needed to say something, to vent, to express my fears, somebody was able to hear me. I couldn’t get their replies until I went to the computers at the library the next day, but they were there. Somebody cared. Another person suffered the same plight of PTSD once. I’m really not alone.

The tweets from my phone led to development of virtual and real-life relationships with people and businesses. Through my sincerity and openness of my life, stigma changed to acceptance, understanding, and kindness. I got to see God’s love in action, and emotion. These people — my social media followers — said that I changed them for the better. What I saw is how they changed me.

Sharing my story online and in real life at speaking engagements has helped me to open up. I am still shy and very socially awkward, but I am much more open with my emotions. Having constant access to my phone and being able to tweet by text has been extremely therapeutic.

I still tweet Clint Eastwood style — the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes I feel that I share too much. But I need to get things out. Sometimes I need to vent. In a way, being able to tweet and vent my emotions is more than emotionally therapeutic. It can also be protective against bad thoughts so I don’t try to self-injure. I haven’t done any cutting in however many years. It doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes still have those thoughts about doing it. So I greatly appreciate the kindness and compassion from all of you, my followers. A small gift, a kind word, a hug. It means the world to me! God’s love in action, indeed.

I discussed all of these areas and more on the BBC Radio show. (Again, I will share the link to the broadcast after it airs.) Talking about these things have so much effect on me emotionally! Ever since then my thoughts have been on all of my followers and how you have affected me, the place you have in my heart. I am reliving the desperation of my past and the admiration and love for the compassion I have received. Thank you all so much!

PS: Side note to Joan of Real Time Paradigm, my blogging teacher at NextDoor:  I clicked “Publish”! 😜

Life As I Didn’t Know It

It is no secret that I have my ups and downs. Life is totally against me! Or is it? One thing that keeps me going — besides my faith — is that I have an open mind and try to see different perspectives. I might think I can read people’s minds, but in reality I know that I cannot. I don’t know the other person’s story or reasoning for his/her beliefs. This is tough because sometimes I just want to be angry toward everybody in the world without knowing what really is going on behind the scenes. I’ve experienced a lot of difficulties in my life. Multiple types of abuses, by a number of different people; rape; homelessness; stalking. If I could make a list, I am sure there would be more negative experiences than positive. Then again, it is a matter of perspective.  So to account for that I would need to make an addition to the list to view each negative as a positive. I try to always do that. I don’t always want to.  Sometimes stress can be so overwhelming that I feel like I just don’t care, that nobody cares — that some say they do, but I’ll feel that it’s just an act and they really don’t. Despite my occasional lack of faith in myself, I do realize that I am somebody important. That even without having financial income, I am successful. I am somebody and I can be somebody more! All I need to do is give myself a chance.

My Television Acting Debut! In…”Out of the Woods: Bigfoot goes to a funeral” | WGN-TV

Go to to view the video on WGN’s website! As an extra there was no speaking part, but I played the part of a “mourner” very well, I think.

Post by @WGNNews.

Source: Out of the Woods: Bigfoot goes to a funeral | WGN-TV

Missing you.

I have been neglecting this blog and all of my readers, and I am sorry for that. I really have been thinking of you! Actually, for quite some time I was locked out of my account due to a new phone and 2-Step Authentication. I had backup codes but couldn’t find them. Finally I emailed WordPress with the details and proof of my identity and got things fixed. So I’m back! You don’t know how good it feels to have access to this blog again! Besides sharing interesting things and tidbits about my life, my Klout and EmpireKred scores have been suffering. LOL.

A lot has obviously happened since the last I posted. I am tired and won’t go in to everything now. I would like to say, however, that I remember how it was to be homeless. My heart goes out to those facing that situation. I help how I can, when I can, but it is not enough. I sometimes stand out among people on the CTA because I will smile and interact with homeless people riding the transit with me. There are times when others might move to another section of the bus or actually unboard the bus to wait for the next one on the same route–simply because the homeless individual was social. That being even when the homeless person did NOT have a traumatic scent. Just because of…being nice. 😦


My Brother Is A Real Person, Dammit!

My brother’s name is Duane. He is a bit eccentric, but he is my brother and I am proud of him! I would like to end rumors once and for all wondering if he is real or not. I am tired of seeing stories on WGN News and hearing comments on @ChiefOliver‘s radio show “Breaking Good“. My brother IS REAL, people! His name is DUANE! If you see him, do not be afraid! He is a regular guy. Just really hairy.

My Brother Duane
My Brother Duane

My Brother
My Brother Duane

Summer Hibernation

This is a great summer! Well, it has been rainy which I can do without. And I am having more problems with fibromyalgia. Thank God I have an awesome doctor! He really is the best–I couldn’t ask for anyone better. That’s my primary physician. My rheumatologist has just moved to California so I am looking for a new one. Quite honestly, I will not miss her.

So what have I been doing with my summer besides taking pain pills and naps because of the fibromyalgia? I have actually been somewhat busy! I am getting out to more social media and networking events. I believe the next event is August 12, the Social Media Club Chicago Annual Summer Social. I have been a blood donor. Thanks to a tweet by @GoatKING, one week ago I volunteered work at Taste of Lincoln Avenue. It was busy as heck at the Fullerton gate where I was stationed! Sadly, my blog has been in hibernation.Yes, I am guilty of blog neglect. Again. Believe me, I have thought about my blog. I just haven’t been inspired enough to get my fingers going on the keyboard. It takes some thought and my brain just hasn’t been functioning as well with the fibromyalgia going on lately. I haven’t even been tweeting as much or participating in tweet chats as often. To tell the truth, I could use a nap right now. So much for the effects of coffee. It is doing nothing for me. Anyway, I am thinking of you all. My blog followers continue to grow in number and I feel bad that I haven’t been around here as much. I do think of you! Please stop by to comment or say hello. Tweet me at @padschicago, like me on Facebook as No Longer Homeless,  and you may add me as a friend on Facebook. Feel free to connect on Linked In too!

Where Two Or More Women Gather, Hilarity Ensues! Or… A Virgin Shopper

WARNING:  If you are my relative, you probably do NOT want to proceed reading! You may wish you hadn’t. The following is of a very personal and sensitive topic.



So. A friend came to me today and asked if I’d like to walk to the store with her. No, not just any store. She even showed me the ad in the paper. Here it is:


A free pocket-sized dildo! (We start cracking up laughing as others around us think we are nuts.) Nope, no nuts! I was like, ok, this should be hilarious! And I went with her and someone else. Now I had NEVER been inside a sex toy store before in my life! Yes, I was a virgin shopper. Well, not literally a virgin. I was married once and gave birth to two children from him. But it was my first experience in an adult toy store. So yes, in my mind, that is a virgin shopping experience. So this one friend of mine goes to the counter and asks the good looking sales guy about the item in the ad. There was no mention about a purchase being required so he handed us each one pocket-sized vibrator. C360_2014-03-31-17-30-43-289 To which one friend looks at it and says, “What do you do with it?” LMFAO!!!!! I couldn’t believe she said that! It’s like, DUH–you know! The sales guy was polite and enjoyed the humor I saw in it. He was actually very nice and came around the counter toward the back wall and opened one up and showed us how to place a battery inside and turn it on, further explaining to use it “down there” and on the clitoris. At this point we are still more giggly girls who can’t believe where we are and what is happening. The sales guy turned the vibrator on and let us touch it to feel how strong and quite capable it was. I must say, we were quite impressed that the “Pocket Rocket” really seemed like it could blast off! So we got our toys and looked around the store a little, eyeing the sights before coming home. (No pun intended–get your mind out of the gutter. Ha!) Once at home we thought of the health social work intern. She is a young college student, just finishing her last days with us. We went to her office, laughing and giggling. We had something to show her–you know, so she could go and get one to do a sex ed class, show people how to put on condoms or whatever. We were so bad doing this to her! But her reaction was absolutely hilarious! Once she realized what it was she was holding, (“Is this what I think…..?”) she was like almost pushing it away–but then she brought it back to her to look at and examine some more. And repeat. And repeat again. She could clearly not believe what was happening! She seemed so innocent. LMAO! My friends and I just thought that we would share the experience of our afternoon out. Now that I have mini vibrator, will I use it? Ha! Probably not but it will be a great conversation piece! Honestly, I prefer the REAL thing to small, hard plastic. Hey, penis envy is real! Just saying I now own a vibrator makes me feel like I have at least cum to every woman’s right of owning a penis alternative. No, I have not used the plastic penis. It is still inside the clear plastic wrapper where it will stay. This has been a LMFAO kinda day. Many thanks to my lady friends and inspirational sales guys with toys. 😉

I can’t believe I just blogged this.  😛