Be safe, my new friend.

A woman came to the shelter overnight from the hospital. A domestic violence victim. And she didn’t speak English–she spoke Assyrian. They were planning to put her in a cab and send her to the homeless services office. I told them to check with whoever is on-call because the office isn’t open that early. Well, they got the ok and someone would be there to open early. I couldn’t let this woman take the cab alone, not speaking English, so I said that I would go with her. And good thing I did!!! Dispatch didn’t tell the driver an address, he asked about payment, directions to the building (which side of the road, etc). Anyway, my heart goes out to her. Her face was quite bruised. We got the office and the caseworker who was there didn’t even know about her or that she was coming, so I had to tell him the story. If this woman had gone alone, what would have happened?! Thank God I went with her! I had an appointment to go to in the city so I hated to leave her at the services office. I tried to explain to her the best I could, and gave her a hug–which she gladly and emotionally returned, with a kiss. I could see she was unhappy and scared that I had to leave. She affected me. Not a PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) trigger. Just one of those very sad things but happy that she is getting help and I was able to be one of the people to help her. I have thought about her throughout the day, wondering what happened. I assume that she was taken to a safe house for domestic violence victims and will no longer be at the shelters with us. I do hope she remains ok. I wish I knew.

A scary, concrete bed

The shelters are closed for the “season” and won’t reopen until October. They think it is motivating for us. Who are they kidding?! This only causes more stress which in turn creates and accentuates problems making it even harder to overcome homelessness.

Last year I had so many problems with men following me and also watching me in my sleep. I heard a sound in my sleep a time or two and woke to discover someone I knew–another homeless person–going off to hide.

I have PTSD–Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I got so PARANOID!!! Every day someone was following me, trying to ask me out, refusing to take “NO!” and “Go away!” or “Leave me alone!” for an answer. I started to get violent thoughts when men approached me. I began to find it hard to interpret the shadows at night from the stress. I constantly turned to look behind me when I walked. I would get up from where I lay at night to look and see if anyone was watching. Then I’d see another shadow and try to figure out what–or who–it was. I was afraid to fall asleep because someone might come. And he might try to….

I finally had to take a “vacation” in another town where there are no homeless. I stayed there for a month and, basically, vacationed. I had no resistance to doing nothing, sitting outside in the sunshine, trying to the best of my ability, to relax. Trying to make sense of the shadows at night. Even during the day.

Eventually things lessened. It was just over a month later and I felt ready, yet scared, to come back. It was freaky. And exciting, like a homecoming. I was very unsure. I didn’t know if it would all happen again. What would happen?

I won’t be able to sleep tonight or for a while. This will be a big adjustment. I am afraid that other homeless (or perhaps even others) may follow me, or look for me, like they did before. I don’t want to be seen. I don’t know where to hide. I wish I had some place to go.