It is no secret that I have my ups and downs. Life is totally against me! Or is it? One thing that keeps me going — besides my faith — is that I have an open mind and try to see different perspectives. I might think I can read people’s minds, but in reality I know that I cannot. I don’t know the other person’s story or reasoning for his/her beliefs. This is tough because sometimes I just want to be angry toward everybody in the world without knowing what really is going on behind the scenes. I’ve experienced a lot of difficulties in my life. Multiple types of abuses, by a number of different people; rape; homelessness; stalking. If I could make a list, I am sure there would be more negative experiences than positive. Then again, it is a matter of perspective. So to account for that I would need to make an addition to the list to view each negative as a positive. I try to always do that. I don’t always want to. Sometimes stress can be so overwhelming that I feel like I just don’t care, that nobody cares — that some say they do, but I’ll feel that it’s just an act and they really don’t. Despite my occasional lack of faith in myself, I do realize that I am somebody important. That even without having financial income, I am successful. I am somebody and I can be somebody more! All I need to do is give myself a chance.
Trying to find motivation for writing this. Right now, oddly enough, it is pain distraction. I’m having some bad renal-related pain on the right side. (It was on the left side in back this morning, but not nearly as bad.) Finally just popped a good, strong pain pill and logged on to WordPress.
I think that pain is what motivates me to writing in my blog the most–whether it be physical pain or emotional pain. There are a lot of times when I would do it more often, in immediate reaction to something, but I don’t have a laptop or netbook computer to capture those moments. So then I text a tweet to my Twitter account from my cell phone instead. Sometimes if I am in a place where I can write privately and have abundant paper with me I will write my thoughts to transcribe later.
Life is like what seems to attract me to blogging: no pain, no gain. It takes some level of effort to succeed and reach goals. When I blog, I gain from readers, and from within my self. In life, I gain by doing things that will lead to taking me out of homelessness. I am trying. And I am doing. I am taking steps to helping myself accomplish that goal. I am trying to make more notes to help me remember things. I am getting mental health care, including counseling and psych medication. I am working with my caseworker regarding psych issues and future housing possibilities. I know that everything is working out. Finally. I am on the right track.