Life As I Didn’t Know It

It is no secret that I have my ups and downs. Life is totally against me! Or is it? One thing that keeps me going — besides my faith — is that I have an open mind and try to see different perspectives. I might think I can read people’s minds, but in reality I know that I cannot. I don’t know the other person’s story or reasoning for his/her beliefs. This is tough because sometimes I just want to be angry toward everybody in the world without knowing what really is going on behind the scenes. I’ve experienced a lot of difficulties in my life. Multiple types of abuses, by a number of different people; rape; homelessness; stalking. If I could make a list, I am sure there would be more negative experiences than positive. Then again, it is a matter of perspective.  So to account for that I would need to make an addition to the list to view each negative as a positive. I try to always do that. I don’t always want to.  Sometimes stress can be so overwhelming that I feel like I just don’t care, that nobody cares — that some say they do, but I’ll feel that it’s just an act and they really don’t. Despite my occasional lack of faith in myself, I do realize that I am somebody important. That even without having financial income, I am successful. I am somebody and I can be somebody more! All I need to do is give myself a chance.

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2010 – This is my year!

This is it. 2010. My year to remember! I can promise it. This is going to be a great year–the BEST year–with amazing experiences and achievements! I can honestly feel it in my blood, in my mood, in my body, in my pain, in my every heartbeat. No wonder I have palpitations where my heart skips a beat sometimes, LOL! If attitude is everything, then I have it ALL. You know what I have been telling myself lately when something bad happens or when I have pain? I tell myself, “Smile”. Such a small, simple word. But it works! I love that word. Even more, I love to do it, and to receive it. I have faith that what I do this year will provide me with incredible opportunities. I will change my life, and create new foundations of hope for others in the process. I am excited to discover so much good in my life–there is a reason for me. I will trade my pain and sadness for something so much better: happiness! With the right attitude, anything can be done. Goals will be achieved. It is all a matter of perspective. Turning things around and seeing from a different view. Any negative can be thought of in a positive way. Take my pain issues, for instance. I have mild to severe pains that even narcotic pain medication doesn’t always help. Of course, I hate to have pain and with it the limitations and discomfort it can cause. But also, I am grateful for it! For without these rheumatic pain issues, I couldn’t understand the suffering of another person with a rheumatoid disease, or another painful condition–like the nerve pains and headaches I also experience. Having chronic pain can also teach tolerance. The nausea and food intolerances from kidney disease have taught me nutrition and to watch what I eat. Palpitations and chest pain have taught me to be prepared and set physical limitations if I need them instead of trying to over-do as I used to. Unfortunately, I have run out of time. But I am still with you…on Twitter! @padschicago¬† I love you all and can’t wait to be with you in Twitterverse! Tweet you from my phone. XOXOXO

The Spirit of Giving

This is the time of year when everyone looks to give to others. The holidays have a dramatic effect on people and I am no exception. I celebrate Christmas and my birthday is coming up very soon. Recent tweets by Jeff Shuey and Lotay Yang have inspired me! My mind is racing, contemplating what effort I might be able to do in celebration of my birthday and Christmas?! I would give anything to be able to organize an effort for a van to be donated to Cross and Crown Church so they can help the homeless! But that sadly is expensive and probably not as realistic a short-term goal at this time. So then what would be?! Perhaps I could organize a Christmas party and/or gifts for the homeless–maybe local businesses might be willing to donate? Gift certs and gift cards, free meals, gas cards, auto repair, clothes, shoes/boots…??? Maybe I could open a special PayPal account? I want to do something special for everyone! What can I do?!

No pain, no gain.

Trying to find motivation for writing this. Right now, oddly enough, it is pain distraction. I’m having some bad renal-related pain on the right side. (It was on the left side in back this morning, but not nearly as bad.) Finally just popped a good, strong pain pill and logged on to WordPress.

I think that pain is what motivates me to writing in my blog the most–whether it be physical pain or emotional pain. There are a lot of times when I would do it more often, in immediate reaction to something, but I don’t have a laptop or netbook computer to capture those moments. So then I text a tweet to my Twitter account from my cell phone instead. Sometimes if I am in a place where I can write privately and have abundant paper with me I will write my thoughts to transcribe later.

Life is like what seems to attract me to blogging: no pain, no gain. It takes some level of effort to succeed and reach goals. When I blog, I gain from readers, and from within my self. In life, I gain by doing things that will lead to taking me out of homelessness. I am trying. And I am doing. I am taking steps to helping myself accomplish that goal. I am trying to make more notes to help me remember things. I am getting mental health care, including counseling and psych medication. I am working with my caseworker regarding psych issues and future housing possibilities. I know that everything is working out. Finally. I am on the right track.