Missing you.

I have been neglecting this blog and all of my readers, and I am sorry for that. I really have been thinking of you! Actually, for quite some time I was locked out of my account due to a new phone and 2-Step Authentication. I had backup codes but couldn’t find them. Finally I emailed WordPress with the details and proof of my identity and got things fixed. So I’m back! You don’t know how good it feels to have access to this blog again! Besides sharing interesting things and tidbits about my life, my Klout and EmpireKred scores have been suffering. LOL.

A lot has obviously happened since the last I posted. I am tired and won’t go in to everything now. I would like to say, however, that I remember how it was to be homeless. My heart goes out to those facing that situation. I help how I can, when I can, but it is not enough. I sometimes stand out among people on the CTA because I will smile and interact with homeless people riding the transit with me. There are times when others might move to another section of the bus or actually unboard the bus to wait for the next one on the same route–simply because the homeless individual was social. That being even when the homeless person did NOT have a traumatic scent. Just because of…being nice. 😦

 

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Hurdle jumping

Life is like running a race. You run fast as you can, jumping hurdle after hurdle. I have endured many obstacles in my life. I have tried to run around them, but even if I reach the same finish line it is never successful. Nothing is learned or gained by avoiding. One must run head on toward any obstacle, plan for them and what to do about them, and leap over them.

I have considered giving up in situations many times. It seems so much “easier” when in reality, it is not. Stepping aside from the problem causes it to recur. By executing a plan of action, a person can leap over obstacles. If the leap is a bit short and the hurdle is hit, learn, plan and run again. I keep telling myself this when the barriers in life impede my way to the finish line.

I was recently discouraged by the disrespect of someone who rained on my parade, so to speak. I lost interest in being around others and had no motivation. I couldn’t live with myself and reminded myself that regardless, the outcome that I helped make a lot of people happy was the same. I looked at what happened from a different perspective and moved forward.

I joined Twitter and social media first out of curiosity. Then it became a tool to help me learn to socialize more and to improve upon my life by exchanging in conversation with others, and sharing information and resources. Social media became my connection to others. I vented my frustrations and emotions, I educated the world about homelessness and social issues, I shared information that others might have been able to use. My passion was to find hope and to be hope for someone else. I crave that influence, to know that I have made a difference in someone’s life. I have inspired thousands of people thus far, including myself. I have gone from sleeping homeless outside in a vacant, grassy lot in the suburbs to social media events to a supportive transitional housing program with a focus on developing a successful life! It IS happening NOW! I am richly blessed by the Lord for all that He has given me, and thank Him for all my social media friends and real life friends and family. I thank you for sharing your lives with me. I am grateful for every opportunity to discover and use my strengths and weaknesses and overcome the hurdles with you.

I hope all of this makes sense. I am really tired and rambling now. LOL! Good night!

Creating change

I have posted on Twitter about fun, new projects. Tell you, I am honestly excited about this! Through the place where my caseworker is in Chicago, I am starting a class in advocacy–perfect for me! The class works with legislative issues and writing to representatives (what we are working on right now), volunteer issues, and more.

This class will help me to develop my advocacy skills. I have never written to members of senate or congress before or had much of anything to do with legislation. I am sure the advocacy training will inspire new ideas how to help homelessness issues. The interaction with others in the class will help my social skills also.

I am also about to finally start the counseling, and am already on psych med. Amazing things have been happening in my life the past months! It is easy to see. A new life is waiting for me just around the corner.

A new poll, and a wish for life

1st thing to mention, if you look above there is a new page for Polls! Please take a moment to read the poll and place your vote on the latest poll whenever you stop by!

The shelter was cold last night! Its the one thing I hate about going there, but the rest of the site is really nice. It’s small, but the food is good, its quiet, we get ice cream, there are games, the volunteers are great!

Another quiet day today. Not much going on. I had a great lunch at a local church, and now I am online. I’m somewhere I can’t use my software so I can’t update the website today again. I don’t have much time available online either. I think that I should be able to do something with the website tomorrow. So check back in a day or two and I’ll have a few more links and things. Sound good?!

It’s kind of a sad time of year for me. Not just Easter season, but the birthday of one of my children is coming up. I have no money to buy anything, and I haven’t seen my kids for two years. The, um, father and I don’t get along. Simply put. It kills me. It really kills me! I dream bad dreams almost every night about my kids, and their father’s abuses to me. My life is taken away by not seeing them. By not being with them, it really does kill me. Honestly, if not for faith in God, I’d be dead. Someday. Life will be better.

The sun is shining!

It’s a beautiful day in Chicagoland!  I can’t complain.  Ok, so well, I would prefer it to be sunny and 80 degrees but it’s not.  But its coming!  It may take a while, but it WILL happen.

Gosh, am I getting the attention today!  I am wearing a form-fitting top.  Need I say more?  (Hey, guys, I appreciate you looking a little higher.  Thank you.)  I know, I should expect it.  I don’t mind if guys look, just please don’t stare!  I’ve met too many guys who do that who try to touch without permission or my wanting them to.  So with that and my past abuse history, I don’t necessarily trust everyone.  Some may call me stupid for dressing this way, and so what.  Maybe I am.  But I like it. I don’t look bad.  I don’t look like a prostitute.  I look feminine and fashionable is all.  Like I said, if a guy wants to look, fine.  Stare–I’d prefer not.  Touch me–you get hit.

I am in a good mood today.  Nothing special happened.  I went to a local church for a delicious free meal and attended the service.  It was great!  My thought for the day is:  Live a little!  If it kills you, you will still go to heaven.

Have a great awesome day, everybody!!  🙂

TGIF

Hey, everybody!  Kind of an uneventful day.  Not much happening.  My ear hurts and my stomach doesn’t feel right.   –Kidneys, again.   My heart problems are a little better today though.  I had a bad day with arrhythmias yesterday.  My lungs are continually doing better since an allergic reaction about a week ago at one of the shelters to one of the foods.  Sitting here wishing we’d get better weather this weekend instead of the predicted rain and snow.  That stuff only causes me more pain from arthritis.  But enough of my problems.  I must have something good to say?!  Um, let’s see.  The sun is shining, the shelters are still open, I get food and toiletries at the shelters, I have a ride from a fellow homeless friend to the shelter tonight so I don’t have to walk several miles.  Yeah, I guess that accounts for a pretty good day still!  And let’s hope, an even better weekend to follow!  TGIF!!!  🙂

Thinking time

The shelter sites will close before long.  Then what will I do?  Where will I go?  I am still trying to figure it out.  I am a little scared.  I’ve had problems in the past with other homeless people following me and watching me in the night.  I got paranoid last summer because of it and over-stressed.  To learn that an alcoholic homeless guy followed me “home” to my outdoor sleeping place for the purpose of watching me sleep because he liked me!  I can’t live like that again being scared that someone is watching and following me!  Plus my physical health issues aren’t helped by sleeping outside.  Why can’t I find a job as a house-sitter or live-in something?  I am not mentally prepared to be able to live outside again.  Yet any housing program I try, they don’t like my psych history and that I ‘m not on meds and refuse to accept me.  Though if they did accept me, I would be able to see a psychiatrist who they refer to and be able to start meds right away.  All these places want me already on psych drugs.  How do I get the psych drugs when I can’t get any psychiatrist willing to see me because I have no money, and no organization will accept me as a patient because I don’t have a “residence”?!  What the heck am I supposed to do?!  Keep looking.  Its about all I can do.  Its depressing.  Reject after reject.  I want a place to live, I want psych care, I want my physical health issues taken care of, I want to go to school and have a job.  I want to have a life.

New links, and an update on me

Hi, all!  FYI, I just added several new links to my site–check them out!

I realize that I have been quiet lately.  I’ve been sick from health issues with irregular heartbeats and bad kidneys,  tired and moody and neglecting my duties.  Life isn’t easy.  I admit that I have mental health issues, like many of us.  I haven’t found any person or place willing to take me for treatment either, either because I have no money to pay or because of some idiotic reason, like because I don’t have a residence.  So much for taking charity cases.  I’ve been given just as dumb or even worse excuses for being denied housing too–such as my favorite, “its too far to move” (HELLO?!  I am *HOMELESS*!).

I am so tired of living like this!  With my health issues, mental and physical–it’s very hard to put up with everything.  I try.  I use the internet and friends like you and others to get me through.  I get tired and irritated of having the same problems and little to no help.  I will admit that some days I would love to end it all.  But, thank God, I am afraid to.  I respect non-believers, but for me, I do have religious faith and it honestly is keeping me alive when I feel that all else has failed.  Faith keeps me going on.  There is better yet to come.  I need to believe that.

It’s not all about sex

I am human.  Sure I think of sex!  But I sure as heck don’t need to do it with just anyone just for the sake of doing it!  I was approached again by someone about going to a motel.  In this living situation as well as with my other problems, I don’t need that kind of relationship right now.  There are other things to life that need my attention.

You don’t know the harrassment I get!  Every day someone makes a comment and stares areas of my body.  Can’t people stop trying to get me in to bed and undressing me with their eyes?!

I would love to have a normal relationship.  It’s so hard for me, and especially living like this.  How do I explain carrying my things with me?  I can only use the excuse that I am going to do laundry tonight only so many times.  I really wish I could meet the right person though.  It will be easier when I have a home again.  This is not the time or lifestyle for dating or to even have casual sex with just anyone.