WARNING: If you are my relative, you probably do NOT want to proceed reading! You may wish you hadn’t. The following is of a very personal and sensitive topic.
So. A friend came to me today and asked if I’d like to walk to the store with her. No, not just any store. She even showed me the ad in the paper. Here it is:
A free pocket-sized dildo! (We start cracking up laughing as others around us think we are nuts.) Nope, no nuts! I was like, ok, this should be hilarious! And I went with her and someone else. Now I had NEVER been inside a sex toy store before in my life! Yes, I was a virgin shopper. Well, not literally a virgin. I was married once and gave birth to two children from him. But it was my first experience in an adult toy store. So yes, in my mind, that is a virgin shopping experience. So this one friend of mine goes to the counter and asks the good looking sales guy about the item in the ad. There was no mention about a purchase being required so he handed us each one pocket-sized vibrator. To which one friend looks at it and says, “What do you do with it?” LMFAO!!!!! I couldn’t believe she said that! It’s like, DUH–you know! The sales guy was polite and enjoyed the humor I saw in it. He was actually very nice and came around the counter toward the back wall and opened one up and showed us how to place a battery inside and turn it on, further explaining to use it “down there” and on the clitoris. At this point we are still more giggly girls who can’t believe where we are and what is happening. The sales guy turned the vibrator on and let us touch it to feel how strong and quite capable it was. I must say, we were quite impressed that the “Pocket Rocket” really seemed like it could blast off! So we got our toys and looked around the store a little, eyeing the sights before coming home. (No pun intended–get your mind out of the gutter. Ha!) Once at home we thought of the health social work intern. She is a young college student, just finishing her last days with us. We went to her office, laughing and giggling. We had something to show her–you know, so she could go and get one to do a sex ed class, show people how to put on condoms or whatever. We were so bad doing this to her! But her reaction was absolutely hilarious! Once she realized what it was she was holding, (“Is this what I think…..?”) she was like almost pushing it away–but then she brought it back to her to look at and examine some more. And repeat. And repeat again. She could clearly not believe what was happening! She seemed so innocent. LMAO! My friends and I just thought that we would share the experience of our afternoon out. Now that I have mini vibrator, will I use it? Ha! Probably not but it will be a great conversation piece! Honestly, I prefer the REAL thing to small, hard plastic. Hey, penis envy is real! Just saying I now own a vibrator makes me feel like I have at least cum to every woman’s right of owning a penis alternative. No, I have not used the plastic penis. It is still inside the clear plastic wrapper where it will stay. This has been a LMFAO kinda day. Many thanks to my lady friends and inspirational sales guys with toys. 😉
I can’t believe I just blogged this. 😛