OW! I hurt. It seems like my whole body. My legs hurt, joints and muscles. Knees, ankles, thighs. The muscles in my upper arms and my elbow joints hurt. My thumb, some fingers on each hand and my legs and feet have nerve pain, numbness, a burning or crawling sensation, and/or tingling. Sometimes the muscle pain is stabbing. The joint pains can be mild, rarely, or most ofen moderately to severely uncomfortable. The pain is often brought on by the weather, such as rain, and also physical activity. Tonight the pain is really bad! If not for my compassionate doctor prescribing a narcotic medicine for my breakthrough pain, I might be crying for my mommy like I did when I was a child. Now that I am grown up I cry to God and the pain, begging it to go away. The latest dose of pain medicine is beginning to kick in and help. I can only hope and pray it takes the pain away completely. But that has not been happening. Not today. And not yesterday. This evening it worked well, considering. But after two or three hours the pain was coming back with a vengeance. Now I lie here in my sleeping bag on a full moon night and wonder WHY?! and WHAT IS THIS?! A rheumatologist has not diagnosed my pain yet, and I need the diagnosis to get better treatment. Why must I suffer and live this way for so long?!?! Why can’t I have a diagnosis yet?! What is this ****** disease called?!?! Why can’t I have the better treatment NOW?! Why must it come from the rheumatologist–Why can’t my primary doctor prescribe it now, in the meantime–He is a doctor still after all! Only a person who has suffered chronic pain might understand. It adds to everyday stresses. I so want the better treatment now! I am tired of living like this! I wish I didn’t have to. Obviously there must be some reason for why I am still being made to live like this. Its certainly not by choice. Please Lord teach me why I must live with this pain! I am so tired and I honestly don’t know if all of this makes sense. I need to try and get some sleep. Good luck, to us all.
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