There is a secret side to me. I don’t know how to explain it. But being homeless probably only makes the problem worse and easier. It’s nothing shameful. It’s just, I am afraid to admit it, I guess. Sometimes I am ok with talking about it. But right now, when this issue is going on, it becomes hard. I become afraid of myself and what I may do. For insane reasons I start thinking that doing something good and healthy should be avoided. Its like an old best friend, there when I need her. Right now I feel like I need “her”. I want or wish it would be ok. But I know the truth. It’s not. I have medical training. I know. Which makes it even harder on me. I want so bad to go back like I used to be.