The shelters are closed for the “season” and won’t reopen until October. They think it is motivating for us. Who are they kidding?! This only causes more stress which in turn creates and accentuates problems making it even harder to overcome homelessness.
Last year I had so many problems with men following me and also watching me in my sleep. I heard a sound in my sleep a time or two and woke to discover someone I knew–another homeless person–going off to hide.
I got so PARANOID!!! Every day someone was following me, trying to ask me out, refusing to take “NO!” and “Go away!” or “Leave me alone!” for an answer. I started to get violent thoughts when men approached me. I began to find it hard to interpret the shadows at night from the stress. I constantly turned to look behind me when I walked. I would get up from where I lay at night to look and see if anyone was watching. Then I’d see another shadow and try to figure out what–or who–it was. I was afraid to fall asleep because someone might come. And he might try to….
I finally had to take a “vacation” in another town where there are no homeless. I stayed there for a month and, basically, vacationed. I had no resistance to doing nothing, sitting outside in the sunshine, trying to the best of my ability, to relax. Trying to make sense of the shadows at night. Even during the day.
Eventually things lessened. It was just over a month later and I felt ready, yet scared, to come back. It was freaky. And exciting, like a homecoming. I was very unsure. I didn’t know if it would all happen again. What would happen?
I won’t be able to sleep tonight or for a while. This will be a big adjustment. I am afraid that other homeless (or perhaps even others) may follow me, or look for me, like they did before. I don’t want to be seen. I don’t know where to hide. I wish I had some place to go.