Misbehavin’

Oops. Sorry, LOL! My apologies to a certain case manager at Northwestern Satellite Clinic. I sorta know him from Twitter and I’ve tweeted him a couple of times (or “perhaps” more, LOL) since becoming a client. Its a No-No! Ok, so I get impulsive and have to say something sometimes. I understand why and all that and I expected it when I became a client. But like I said, I do get impulsive. If I can get some medication again for ADD that may help the issue. I kinda have to laugh because of my misbehaving. Yeah, my bad. I am a rule-breaker. Its hard to keep out of trouble this way when I am impulsive. Medication should help that. I’ll have to ask about it if the new psydoc doesn’t offer first. I really would like to focus better on things like I used to when I was medicated for ADD. Life was better. Well, it was better until I started working at a certain place that triggered my PTSD because of memory of a certain homeless person who stalked me and…more. He knows who he is. He is still a major trigger. I was warned by the psych people against having any contact with him–even on Twitter. They are cautious. I view my newly following him as an exposure therapy, plus I feel it is fair and appropriate that anyone who needs and wants my help can get it. I will not get in the way of a legitmate request from someone seeking help–I don’t care who it is or what I think of the person! Everyone deserves a chance to get help they need! This brings up a future blog topic about social services agencies that ban a person from getting ANY and ALL services–including food pantry and clothing closet…

Is “padschicago” pregnant?

There is discussion lately among “Padites”, as the homeless around here call ourselves, that I am pregnant. Well, first of all, its none of your damn freakin’ business if I am pregnant! Second, if you want to know, why don’t you just ask me? I am actually laughing at this even though I shouldn’t–and I’ll get to WHY in a moment. Everybody has to know everything going on! People want to know all the gossip! Let things rest people, and let’s just LIVE.

Now, do you want to know WHY I am laughing? NO! I am NOT pregnant!! I may have looked a few months pregnant recently due to some medical issues, but I can certify that I am NOT with child. LMAO!!!

God is with us

You wouldn’t believe the night we women at the homeless shelter had last night, and how it went from almost like a fun slumber party to ending with 911 being called when a severely emotional young woman in the group suffered a seizure after sharing very personal, painful memories about her life. Everyone gathered round to pray and I have honestly never felt more spiritual energy from praying as I did last night! It was powerful! Then this morning I received the following in my email. Its just amazing…

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, ‘Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?’

‘He must really be a nerd.’

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him…

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, ‘Those guys are jerks.’

They really should get lives…

‘He looked at me and said, ‘Hey thanks!’

There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before…

He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.

We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football
with my friends.

He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my  friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said, ‘Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!’

He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends…

When we were seniors we began to think about college.

Kyle decided on  Georgetown  and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never   be a problem.

He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.

I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

He had to prepare a speech for graduation.

I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak .

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.

He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.

He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.

Boy, sometimes I was jealous!

Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said, ‘Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!’

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.

‘Thanks,’ he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began…

‘Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years…

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends…..

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

‘I am going to tell you a story.’

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told of the  first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and he was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

‘Thankfully, I was saved.’

‘My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable…’

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions..

With one small gesture you can change a person’s life.

For better or for worse….

God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.

Look for God in others.

In Memory of Michael Kuglich

Fwd:
Apr 4 7:48pm
Message: IN LOVING MEMORY OF MICHAEL KUGLICH 02/02/1954 TO 04/04/2010 REST IN PEACE

Is a doctor a doctor?

(fyi: I attempted to post the following by email last night and this morning but WordPress instead only published the title of the post. So here goes a try from the web with the added text and slight editing.)

I`m nuts! I have a doctor appointment today and I just happen to not feel good. BUT! The appointment is with a rheumatologist! THAT is a problem. That type of doctor, I guess I can say, is OVER-qualified for treating what is making me feel sick. I understand that she is still a doctor and internal medicine and all that. But I guess its like, you wouldn’t go to a neurologist to have your hemorrhoids removed. (LMAO!) Well, not quite. And its not my hemorrhoids either. But you get my point.

Confused happiness?

I don’t know what I even want to write. I am tired and drugged on a narcotic pain medicine, but feeling happy overall and better than I was. I am frequently plagued by bad headaches. Another current issue is that the shelters seem to regularly serve high protein/potassium meals. The one Thursday night was especially high and due to kidney damage the high protein/potassium content made me sick. I need to restart food slowly to avoid worsening. I am getting there. And as for the headaches, the Vicodin is finally starting to help today; it didn’t do much for me yesterday. I still feel kind of confused and not right. Like part of my mind is missing? I don’t know. I just can’t think quite right. I don’t know if any of this even makes sense. I don’t plan to re-read it and make sure. I’m just rambling my thoughts on the keyboard. Of what thoughts I think and can remember and make some sort of sense out of, LOL. I think.

2010 – This is my year!

This is it. 2010. My year to remember! I can promise it. This is going to be a great year–the BEST year–with amazing experiences and achievements! I can honestly feel it in my blood, in my mood, in my body, in my pain, in my every heartbeat. No wonder I have palpitations where my heart skips a beat sometimes, LOL! If attitude is everything, then I have it ALL. You know what I have been telling myself lately when something bad happens or when I have pain? I tell myself, “Smile”. Such a small, simple word. But it works! I love that word. Even more, I love to do it, and to receive it. I have faith that what I do this year will provide me with incredible opportunities. I will change my life, and create new foundations of hope for others in the process. I am excited to discover so much good in my life–there is a reason for me. I will trade my pain and sadness for something so much better: happiness! With the right attitude, anything can be done. Goals will be achieved. It is all a matter of perspective. Turning things around and seeing from a different view. Any negative can be thought of in a positive way. Take my pain issues, for instance. I have mild to severe pains that even narcotic pain medication doesn’t always help. Of course, I hate to have pain and with it the limitations and discomfort it can cause. But also, I am grateful for it! For without these rheumatic pain issues, I couldn’t understand the suffering of another person with a rheumatoid disease, or another painful condition–like the nerve pains and headaches I also experience. Having chronic pain can also teach tolerance. The nausea and food intolerances from kidney disease have taught me nutrition and to watch what I eat. Palpitations and chest pain have taught me to be prepared and set physical limitations if I need them instead of trying to over-do as I used to. Unfortunately, I have run out of time. But I am still with you…on Twitter! @padschicago  I love you all and can’t wait to be with you in Twitterverse! Tweet you from my phone. XOXOXO

Creating change

I have posted on Twitter about fun, new projects. Tell you, I am honestly excited about this! Through the place where my caseworker is in Chicago, I am starting a class in advocacy–perfect for me! The class works with legislative issues and writing to representatives (what we are working on right now), volunteer issues, and more.

This class will help me to develop my advocacy skills. I have never written to members of senate or congress before or had much of anything to do with legislation. I am sure the advocacy training will inspire new ideas how to help homelessness issues. The interaction with others in the class will help my social skills also.

I am also about to finally start the counseling, and am already on psych med. Amazing things have been happening in my life the past months! It is easy to see. A new life is waiting for me just around the corner.

A mentoring program for the homeless?

This morning on my way in to the Arlington Heights Memorial Library one of the employees stopped and talked to me. He mentioned something that I have said before: there needs to be a mentoring program for the homeless.

New people arrive to homelessness every day. To whom can they turn for help? When I first became homeless, I didn’t know what to do, where to go. I didn’t know “the ropes” to being homeless. I got in my car and just sat there. I thought, “Now what?”. I finally drove with no real destination. When it got dark and I was tired, I didn’t know where it would be safe to sleep. I didn’t know how I would stay clean without being able to take a shower. I wouldn’t be able to cook.

The homeless such as myself can actually teach others how to survive homelessness! I also believe that non-homeless people can volunteer to mentor the homeless–for social skills or being a “e-pen pal”, job search skills, addiction recovery. Homeless people also have skills and knowledge that someone needs! Why is there not a job agency that matches homeless people with employers who are looking for new talent with the opportunity to help someone in need? Why does the homeless services agency not offer a program in which the homeless receive specialized job skills training to advocate for themselves and the agency by going to businesses themselves to inform them of homelessness and needs, and to ask them to consider helping the homeless with services, discounts, or job postings? Currently they have only a lawn care services crew during warmer months as “job training”. The job training services and others should be expanded!

There is so much that homeless people have to offer–to each other and their communities! We have a need to attack homelessness ourselves! Teach me and I will teach you. I  have mentioned some of these things and others to the local homeless services agency but they have not developed any new mentoring programs. We can still do this ourselves! Help me to create better opportunities for the homeless so we can build ourselves a new life!

The Spirit of Giving

This is the time of year when everyone looks to give to others. The holidays have a dramatic effect on people and I am no exception. I celebrate Christmas and my birthday is coming up very soon. Recent tweets by Jeff Shuey and Lotay Yang have inspired me! My mind is racing, contemplating what effort I might be able to do in celebration of my birthday and Christmas?! I would give anything to be able to organize an effort for a van to be donated to Cross and Crown Church so they can help the homeless! But that sadly is expensive and probably not as realistic a short-term goal at this time. So then what would be?! Perhaps I could organize a Christmas party and/or gifts for the homeless–maybe local businesses might be willing to donate? Gift certs and gift cards, free meals, gas cards, auto repair, clothes, shoes/boots…??? Maybe I could open a special PayPal account? I want to do something special for everyone! What can I do?!