A purpose in life

When I was a little girl I dreamed of growing up, becoming a nurse, being successful, and marry a handsome, caring man and have a few children. I never imagined that I could one day be homeless. I never thought about divorce either. I have experienced multiple abuses, physically, emotionally, verbally, sexual assaults and rape. It all took its toll on me when I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder several years ago. I have survived through a lot. To my surprise, it took chronic homelessness for me to realize my resilience and how successful I am. I have discovered a new purpose and a new, growing love for helping others. Oh, I have always enjoyed helping others, studied nursing, and loved volunteering at various organizations, including also being a blood donor. However, it has changed. The warmth in my heart in being able to help others reach their goals has expanded in ways that I used to dream! I love every moment when I can make a difference! Over time and with thanks to social media, I am coming out of my shell and becoming more social. I dare say that I feel successful now as my life is transforming. I still have a ways to grow, but I am getting there! I am so grateful for everything that I have been through. I have learned much more and my character has grown because of the negative experiences in my life. I am finally on the right track.

Hurdle jumping

Life is like running a race. You run fast as you can, jumping hurdle after hurdle. I have endured many obstacles in my life. I have tried to run around them, but even if I reach the same finish line it is never successful. Nothing is learned or gained by avoiding. One must run head on toward any obstacle, plan for them and what to do about them, and leap over them.

I have considered giving up in situations many times. It seems so much “easier” when in reality, it is not. Stepping aside from the problem causes it to recur. By executing a plan of action, a person can leap over obstacles. If the leap is a bit short and the hurdle is hit, learn, plan and run again. I keep telling myself this when the barriers in life impede my way to the finish line.

I was recently discouraged by the disrespect of someone who rained on my parade, so to speak. I lost interest in being around others and had no motivation. I couldn’t live with myself and reminded myself that regardless, the outcome that I helped make a lot of people happy was the same. I looked at what happened from a different perspective and moved forward.

I joined Twitter and social media first out of curiosity. Then it became a tool to help me learn to socialize more and to improve upon my life by exchanging in conversation with others, and sharing information and resources. Social media became my connection to others. I vented my frustrations and emotions, I educated the world about homelessness and social issues, I shared information that others might have been able to use. My passion was to find hope and to be hope for someone else. I crave that influence, to know that I have made a difference in someone’s life. I have inspired thousands of people thus far, including myself. I have gone from sleeping homeless outside in a vacant, grassy lot in the suburbs to social media events to a supportive transitional housing program with a focus on developing a successful life! It IS happening NOW! I am richly blessed by the Lord for all that He has given me, and thank Him for all my social media friends and real life friends and family. I thank you for sharing your lives with me. I am grateful for every opportunity to discover and use my strengths and weaknesses and overcome the hurdles with you.

I hope all of this makes sense. I am really tired and rambling now. LOL! Good night!

Old friends never be forgot

I came across a caseworker from Journeys from PADS to Hope through an automated list of suggestions through my connections on Linked In. I am quite impressed by the fact that he is listed, but disappointed by his lack of effort in completing his profile and adding a photo, among other things. But enough about that; I am not writing this post to critique a kind, misdirected man’s social networking skills. Seeing his profile did, however, inspire thoughts of friends.

I haven’t stayed at the PADS (Public Action to Deliver Shelter) shelters yet this season. I could have used them several times when I had events to go to. Naturally, after being “in the system” there for so long I met many people. My thoughts are with them today as I remember the good times and bad, the meals we shared, the volunteers we loved. I want all of my PADS friends, including volunteers, to know that I am thinking of you. I actually miss staying at the PADS shelters because of all my friendships. I send each of you a hug and hope to see you at Cross & Crown on Saturdays, if not at the Arlington Heights Library or Metra station at any other time.

I nearly left the shelter I am currently staying at more than once. In fact, several times. In all cases, in one way or another, due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) issues. Its a never ending struggle with that no matter where I stay; thus I am still here giving it a longer go and refusing to give up. My life is becoming more successful the harder I try. I am grateful for all the help I have received and that to come. Without people like you who believe me, it would be a lot harder to believe in myself.

2010 – This is my year!

This is it. 2010. My year to remember! I can promise it. This is going to be a great year–the BEST year–with amazing experiences and achievements! I can honestly feel it in my blood, in my mood, in my body, in my pain, in my every heartbeat. No wonder I have palpitations where my heart skips a beat sometimes, LOL! If attitude is everything, then I have it ALL. You know what I have been telling myself lately when something bad happens or when I have pain? I tell myself, “Smile”. Such a small, simple word. But it works! I love that word. Even more, I love to do it, and to receive it. I have faith that what I do this year will provide me with incredible opportunities. I will change my life, and create new foundations of hope for others in the process. I am excited to discover so much good in my life–there is a reason for me. I will trade my pain and sadness for something so much better: happiness! With the right attitude, anything can be done. Goals will be achieved. It is all a matter of perspective. Turning things around and seeing from a different view. Any negative can be thought of in a positive way. Take my pain issues, for instance. I have mild to severe pains that even narcotic pain medication doesn’t always help. Of course, I hate to have pain and with it the limitations and discomfort it can cause. But also, I am grateful for it! For without these rheumatic pain issues, I couldn’t understand the suffering of another person with a rheumatoid disease, or another painful condition–like the nerve pains and headaches I also experience. Having chronic pain can also teach tolerance. The nausea and food intolerances from kidney disease have taught me nutrition and to watch what I eat. Palpitations and chest pain have taught me to be prepared and set physical limitations if I need them instead of trying to over-do as I used to. Unfortunately, I have run out of time. But I am still with you…on Twitter! @padschicago  I love you all and can’t wait to be with you in Twitterverse! Tweet you from my phone. XOXOXO

Creating change

I have posted on Twitter about fun, new projects. Tell you, I am honestly excited about this! Through the place where my caseworker is in Chicago, I am starting a class in advocacy–perfect for me! The class works with legislative issues and writing to representatives (what we are working on right now), volunteer issues, and more.

This class will help me to develop my advocacy skills. I have never written to members of senate or congress before or had much of anything to do with legislation. I am sure the advocacy training will inspire new ideas how to help homelessness issues. The interaction with others in the class will help my social skills also.

I am also about to finally start the counseling, and am already on psych med. Amazing things have been happening in my life the past months! It is easy to see. A new life is waiting for me just around the corner.

The Spirit of Giving

This is the time of year when everyone looks to give to others. The holidays have a dramatic effect on people and I am no exception. I celebrate Christmas and my birthday is coming up very soon. Recent tweets by Jeff Shuey and Lotay Yang have inspired me! My mind is racing, contemplating what effort I might be able to do in celebration of my birthday and Christmas?! I would give anything to be able to organize an effort for a van to be donated to Cross and Crown Church so they can help the homeless! But that sadly is expensive and probably not as realistic a short-term goal at this time. So then what would be?! Perhaps I could organize a Christmas party and/or gifts for the homeless–maybe local businesses might be willing to donate? Gift certs and gift cards, free meals, gas cards, auto repair, clothes, shoes/boots…??? Maybe I could open a special PayPal account? I want to do something special for everyone! What can I do?!

Inspirations

Wow, I just watched Mark Horvath‘s interview with St. Anthonys and it was excellent! You should be able to to watch the video here. Some great points!  People really are starting to help each other more and I think this is one way WE CAN do it! Watch it and see some great ideas! This interview has lifted my spirit about service organizations, that there really are some good ones out there! Ones who share similar beliefs as I do!

I have been so sleepy today! Literally falling asleep where ever I sit. I tried caffeine–it didn’t work. It can be a little embarrassing. People don’t realize that I have some health issues and medication that can sometimes make me sleepy. That’s when I really miss not having a home and a bed to go to, so I can sleep off whatever pain or effects that illness can have on me.

I hate pain! But in a way, I am glad to have it. I’ve had pain, both emotional and physical, all my life. When I was little I used to cry myself to sleep at night because my legs hurt. Now, sometimes I still feel like I should cry for my mommy–but I don’t. I take my pain meds and try to put up with it the best I can. So much pain in life and so often has taught me a lot of things, including tolerance. I have considered that pain is actually God’s gift to us. It is meant to make us slow down and think, to learn, and grow.

I haven’t much time before I have to leave for the overnight shelter. I am sorry if I don’t reply to your DM or other posts. I  haven’t been online much today, with trying to walk and attempting unsuccessfully to stay awake.

You matter

I just saw a retweet on Twitter from @hardlynormal via @katyaN4G.  Its a link to a post on Seth Godin’s blog that you have got to read!  Its awesome!!  Please read and share!!!!