Confusion

I am still learning about my health. I have so many things going on medically, and they are all related. The rheumatologist still has not made an actual diagnosis yet. Its hard to wait so long to get proper treatment for something! Treatment is pretty much symptomstic right now, I think. Slowly, I am putting things together to learn and be able to figure things out. I will have another rheumatology appointment in the future and perhaps that one will bring us to the point we are waiting for.

I am so tired right now. I have no energy left to write. More tomorrow. Crack a whip on me. By the way, see the psych and caseworker on Friday. Maybe one other caseworer, too.

Sweet dreams

I am lying on my pad at the shelter about ready for bed. I am really tired, trying to type this on a small handheld gadget and thinking about stuff I need to do. I don’t expect this to be a long post but I did want to write something. I am making a conscious effort to blog more and let you all know what is happening in my life and thoughts. It is so hard for me to stay awake right now! I fee old wanting to go to bed so early, LOL. I suppose medication I am on is a part of it. A big part. But my normal health issues play a role as well. I guess its like one thing affects another. Unfortunately, I am lying a little upright and still am getting some palps. I might need to take a little more medication for it. Try to avoid it. I hate having to sleep sitting up all the time every night. Some nights I need to sit up higher than others. It gets old quick. I am used to it though. And honestly, I can’t complain. It helps! I’d rather put up with it than the effects if I didn’t. Well, I have another message to write before I finally close my eyes. Good night, everybody!

Getting excited for a new life!

Greetings! Its been a long day for me already and its only 7:30am. I woke after 3am and had to go to the bathroom and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I had leg pain which didn’t help. I still do. I only have one Vicodin until tomorrow so I am trying to avoid using it if I can.

Well, Friday I was supposed to meet my psych caseworker but she got called away on emergency at the last minute so I met with someone else to go over a couple things. I learned about groups they offer and there is one I am excited to learn more about! I will talk to the guy in charge of groups on Tuesday. The one I am interested in is about advocacy and volunteering. I should love it! I used to volunteer all the time for things. Since I couldn’t meet with my regular caseworker on Friday we will meet Monday instead. I’ll let you know what happens. So far I’m doing okay on the medication. I’m not on the full dose yet so we’ll see how things go.

Oh, I sent an email to my daughter’s psychologist to ask him what he thought about if my daughter (and son) would email each other. I haven’t seen them in so long and there hasn’t been communication either. I would like if there could. Hopefully he will think it feasible and a good idea. It might take a while before he gets back to me. He may wait until her next appointment to reply. Let you know when I know.

A big thank you to Cross and Crown Church

Each and every Saturday of the year the volunteers with the Ministry of Hope at Cross and Crown Church in Arlington Heights, Illinois, serve a feast for the homeless and low-income of the area. Approximately 50 to 70 people enjoy the hot breakfast and lunch each week. Many partake in the opportunity to attend a worship service.

The volunteers and pastors of Cross and Crown are a gift from God to the homeless. They live from their hearts, offering smiles, joy, friendship, hope and support to all who need. They serve delicious meals, give clothing, bikes, and more. They give transportation to and from the church in a church member’s van. The Ministry of Hope is NOT even part of the church budget–all costs come out of their own pockets!

The Ministry of Hope volunteers are absolutely amazing! I honestly don’t know how such a small church can do so much for so many! Some may remember that it was this same church that was vandalized around Christmastime. There was an outpouring of support from communities all around, including an awesome new Christmas tree to replace the one that was damaged by the vandalism.

I felt glad that this church was able to celebrate Christmas and feel the warmth of the community help that we homeless feel when we go to the Ministry of Hope on Saturdays. I hope to return the love and kindness someday by finding a way to help them myself, perhaps by finding them a new or used van of their own to give us rides in to and from the church. It would even grant the church the ability to give us rides to the church on Sundays so that we may attend the regular worship service–something many of us wish to do but can’t get to the church on our own.

View a pdf file about the Ministry of Hope.

Life is good

I’ve been having some great tweeting and text messages today and its hard to break away! I thank you all for the entertainment! LMAO! Gosh, what a great time I’ve had in the recent weeks! Thanks to all my Twitter and RL friends, so much  more has been happening in my life and I really feel that I and my site am more worthwhile!

I met @geogeller and @sioksiok who are filming the Twitter documentary in Chicago, and ended up leaving with them that night for the #140conf in LA! What an awesome time that was!!! I connected with so many new people face-to-face–it was like a live version of Twitter. I am not used to such non-stop activity though and by the end was more than ready to come “home” to Chicago! This is really down-time in comparison. I actually prefer the fast-paced lifestyle, but like I said, I am not used to it–nor am I on psych meds yet. But that will happen soon! I am still going through the intake process.

Gosh am I tired! Plus my body is sore, and its hard to think. I’m having headache problems off and on today as well as other aches and pains. Part of my issues. Even my fingers hurt typing. I am surprised that I am more awake today than yesterday. Yesterday I was falling asleep all day. I could really use some coffee.

 

What am I doing?

I have just been so busy to trying to get too much done (and no way to finish all I want to do)! It would help if I didn’t live like this–going to homeless shelters, a new one every night of the week, in different towns, needing my feet or other transportation to get there. Some are several miles out! I am lucky and managed to get a ride to tonight’s shelter or else I would be walking 8 miles or so in the rain. I’ve done it plenty of times before, rain or snow, doesn’t matter the weather–its a safe, warm, shelter at the end when I get there. It’s worth it!

During the day I might be found at the library. Which isn’t the easiest or most efficient environment for getting things done! For one, computers have time limits. They are also usually s-l-o-o-o-w. I also like to use my own software from a flash drive and not all libraries allow that. Libraries use filters online and on occasion a perfectly harmless and good website gets blocked. There are distractions also, such as people not obeying the “quiet zone” rules and talking on their cell phones or talking to friends. I am also part of the problem by habitually trying to do too much at once. At any given time you will see me on the computer with two browsers open, one with at least 10-12+ tabs, the other only two or three; and my email program; an Explorer window to easily, always, have instant access to all my files available; Word or other MS Office program; a program to edit my website; and perhaps a chat program, which I rarely use. Maybe more programs. I also can distract easily, like my attempts at multi-tasking by having too many programs and windows open, and will jump from one project to another. Another yet reason? The library is just not a “work” environment to me. I used to only come to the library for recreation and with my kids. After all this time, it is still  hard to stay out of that mentality that it’s not playtime.

The best option for me would be to get in to a different environment, one that has all available supplies and tools, and is structured so I know exactly what I am expected to do. And I will do it. Provided my mental health issues don’t get in the way… But that is another subject for another day.

Unfortunately, it is almost time for me to go. I have been working on this post for almost two hours. In addition to some of the above distractions, I have also been having pain issues which developed suddenly while writing this. I have pushed myself to at least somewhat finish this. I had wanted to stop what I was doing and try to finish tomorrow but I have a little determination in me. Plus, it does offer a little distraction from the pain. Not much. But it is something else for me to focus on.

Crazed!

My mind is crazed. I can’t think. I went to the shelter office to turn in a copy of my TB test, and the case”worker” decided he needed to sit down and talk to me about an email and what happened between him, the director, and me a short while back. To remind you in short, it caused me a bad PTSD freakout due to malicious behavior on the director’s part! Since that place now is an emotional trigger for me, I didn’t react nicely to talking to him about it! Then he took his loooooong time to make the copy of my TB test–stopping to talk to other staff about me first before doing it and returning the original to me. (Did ya have to stop at Kinko’s for the copy too?!?!) It took forever! Meanwhile I was getting even more pissed off and agitated! I took some Propranolol to relax some and it has helped but my mind is still fried. I am relaxed enough to not be screaming and B* too many swear words writing this. I got out to the main room there today and when someone mentioned him to me I referred to the case”worker” as an @*****. One of the people he needed to talk to about me (prior to giving me back my original TB test result?!) was evidently the person in charge of the place–”about a ‘related’ issue”. Wow! I feel honored! The executive director had interest in talking to him about me! I almost have to think or wonder, have ya guys got it who I am behind all this web stuff?! Of course with my name and face posted online now, the evidence is there. And I don’t care. I have a voice–I have a right–to post my opinions and experiences. I have thus far respected them and not given them bad publicity by mentioning the name of the actual shelter/homeless services program that I am registered with. I am getting closer to doing it though as more happens. Part of me is almost dying to get the word out what this place is really like! I started this blog wanting to keep open and not bad mouth any particular agency. I thought that I could still write about events and still make readers aware. It just doesn’t feel right to me to single any one out with negative publicity. But I am wondering if maybe I should?

The Value of a Dollar

How much is  a dollar worth?  Just ask a homeless person.

For just $1.00 to $5.00 a homeless person for  1 to 2 hours can:

• Drink a coffee or eat a meal.
• Sit indoors.
• Have access to a clean bathroom and sink to watch hands and face.
• Be out of the rain.
• Be safe from severe weather.
• Watch a movie matinee.
• Buy a ticket and ride the bus or train.
• Do laundry.
• Make calls on a pay phone.
• Put a small amount of gas for the day in their car’s gas tank.
• Access pool and shower facilities at a local park.

What a person can get out of it:

• Food.
• Shelter.
• Clean clothes.
• Hygiene care.
• Entertainment.
• Transportation to shelter, an interview, a job, and other appointments.
• Access to a toilet and facilities to do hygiene.
• A visit with family and friends, call to schedule a job interview.
• Social interaction and networking.
• A sense of normalcy (whatever normal is)
• Happiness.
• A love and gratitude for fellow man.

What you get:

• Happiness.
• God’s love and blessing.
• A love and gratitude for fellow man.
• Social interaction and networking.
• Increased self-satisfaction, self-love, self-worth, self-value

Unfortunately I am out of time on the computer early. Being a public library on a weekend, the computers fill up quickly.

The bad and the good

Sometimes its not easy to be homeless.  Like when it rains at night and I need to find a dry place to hopefully get some sleep. But there are other times as well.  Like today.  All day because of health issues that the rheumatologist hasn’t diagnosed yet, my kidneys didn’t produce much of anything despite that I was drinking plenty.  Well now they have kicked in!  Just in time for the night, when I hope to sleep.  But NO–I will likely be awakened a few times at least.  There are bushes nearby that I can use–but who wants to use bushes for a toilet?!  Maybe some of this swelling will start to go away after this.  I am still having pains from the swelling occurring.

Something good did happen this morning.  I saw my case worker and we are still working on the connections for mental health stuff.  I signed a release so should could talk to someone.  I told her about me going to a fundraiser for a homeless services place and she was impressed!  She seemed very excited and said that she could set it up so I could get my hair all done up, cut and complete style and everything for it!  That is so awesome!  It has been a whole year since I got a haircut–no frills, just a normal cut, at a homeless shelter.  The cut this time that my case worker would set me up with would be done by students, but just because of how long it has been since I have had a haircut I am still really excited about it!  I asked her about a computer and webcam and there are no webcams there, but I told her about Mark Horvath of Invisible People doing the video interview of me and she thought it was great and she’d look and check in about finding access to one.

Bonus Post: Internet Addiction with a Twist

The following is just a little something I wrote several years ago.  I had no real reason for writing it.  I just did.  It could use some updating, but otherwise I suppose its still not bad for its age, considering how technology is obsolete after just a few months.  Whatever, some strange force is telling me to post it here, so I hope you like it.  I don’t understand what is making me do this, but there must be some reason.  I feel really weird doing it.  Here goes…

The Addicted Internet – Internet Addiction with a Twist
By: “Pads Chicago”

Internet Addiction. Can people be addicted to the Internet? Or, is the Internet addicted to people?

Think about it. People are drawn to technology. We have to have every gadget that comes out with a microchip. It doesn’t have to be essential to life; it just needs to make life more fun and interesting. It helps even more if our neighbor doesn’t have one. You are even more cool if you are the first person to even know that it exists.

Marketing today would go nowhere if not for the networks of servers holding every gigabyte of information that we just absolutely, positively have got to know. Every business, organization, school or individual has a message to sell you. They set the bait.com and reel you in completely hooked and throw you in the.net. Add some new flavorful content and you come back for more.

Remember that thing Alexander Graham Bell invented? You know, the telephone? It’s rarely used anymore. You see a friend, but you don’t stop and talk. You say, “Shoot me an email.” When you email, you tell your friend about the hot website that you just visited. Your friend goes to that site, gets hooked, and the whole process circles.

People don’t even go out to meet other people nowadays—they stay in and sit on their booties at the computer at an online dating service. To give oneself the impression of reality, we can chat with a potential partner via instant messaging or emails, all the while sitting home at our desks eating chips and drinking. Not to mention how some will also do this in their underwear. Most males will also enjoy being able to freely scratch themselves or make obscene noises, which they cannot do in front of a woman.

Online dating is extremely popular. Enuff said, sex sells. The Internet allows us to be romantic with our computers right in the privacy of our own homes. Here we can find a new friend to have warm conversation with, or anything up to an explosion of your hard drive in the fantasies of your own mind.

Finding these sexy new friends isn’t free either. Again, sex sells. People will try almost anything once, and web designers know it—a first impression counts. If Mikey likes it, he’ll come back for more, and tell his friends—by email, of course. There is a huge market for the gender, and the e-business society uses whatever tactic necessary to promote its product.

Yes, the Internet thrives on people like us. We are needed for its very existence. The World Wide Web is addicted to people. New websites open every day, each new site demanding more and more people to come Online. And every day we hear, “You’ve got mail!”