Compassion

Here I am after being a shavee for a St. Baldrick‘s Foundation fundraiser for children with cancer on September 22, 2011.

A couple days ago I looked in the mirror. I desperately need a haircut. (I’ll be seeing @mafiahairdreser for that next week.) I remembered doing a fundraiser for St. Baldrick’s a couple years ago.  It got me thinking.  I am feeling the love for others. I want to do something more for such worthwhile organizations. I don’t plan to have my head shaved again for a while. I have a love for health issues and social services so probably it will be one of those. One I am considering is St. Jude. This organization gets to my heart so much! there are so many great organizations that I love! I am open to ideas if you know of any in Chicago area who need my help. I have a few websites that I will watch for good opportunities too.

This is me today.

Hugs and <3 to you,

AM

Thanks, Mom

I sit here drinking my coffee, waiting for it to energize me. It’s bitter but has grown on me over the years. Of course it is even better with cream and chocolate! I remember my first cup of coffee. I absolutely profoundly LOVED it! I hadn’t known about mochas and frappacinos(sp?) back then. It probably tasted so good simply because I was stealing it from someone I love. After that first cup of coffee it was many years before I drank it again. Maybe it was because of people’s shocked reactions and laughter, I don’t know. You see, I was only about four years old and stole that cup of coffee from my mom when she wasn’t looking. She was helping a customer at my dad’s business back then, Bob’s Campers. I don’t know if my mom remembers that day but I do. Thanks, Mom, for making coffee that day.

Sleepytime

I am sooo tired! Finally heading home after what I think I would call a productive afternoon on my laptop. I spent most of my time on my various social media accounts, linking and updating. I can’t wait to arrive home and crawl in to bed. Tomorrow I will do much of the same. I am typing this on my phone while on the bus and trying to stay awake til I reach my bed. I still don’t have my phone service paid but I should be able to send this post using wifi near the bus stop by my home. Hopefully it will be turned on. Good night, my lovely tweeps, wherever you are. ♥

Can a day be any better?!

I have been very tired and took a lazy, sleepy morning, finally leaving home at lunchtime. I immediately recognized the sure sign that despite my late start, it was a great day! As soon as I got outside I saw a @Ramon_DeLeon Domino’s delivery being made to a home across the street. (Obviously a sign from God, as the sun shone down on the pizza delivery besides.) I smiled. BIG. I wanted to post a picture to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram…(you know the drill), but sadly, quite sadly, my phone has been uncharged because the USB charger cord broke. Ramon has been so awesome to help offer food to the homeless and those who live in the shelter at @DebsPlaceChi with me, I can’t help but think of him and smile when I see a pizza delivery. So before heading to the bus stop, I walked to @OfficeDepot by my home in Lakeview, Chicago. I went straight back to look at the phone chargers and price them out. And maybe do some dreaming. I checked out the clearance sale section too. I’m a smart woman and refuse to leave a store (especially a “toy store” like Office Depot) without checking all sales. Naturally, I wrote a mental wish list of everything I’d love to have. Anyway, I decided to test my luck. I spoke to the Office Depot store manager. I wish I paid better attention to his nametag! I explained my situation, being unemployed, living at a nearby shelter, and in desperate need of a new charger cord for my phone. I offered to trade gift cards for multiple stores or make any arrangement possible to get one. He gave me a new one, no cost or anything. He said that he had an extra. I damn near jumped and gave the man a hug and a kiss on the cheek! LOL! I sincerely cannot thank this manager enough! Honestly, the same goes for @Ramon_DeLeon. I have been moody sometimes and not blogging as I was, I’ve been slower to mention how greatly I — how greatly WE at Deborah’s Place / Marah’s — appreciate his kindness in delivering pizzas to us. So surely, seeing the Domino’s delivery near my home today was a sign that the day could only be better? That the world is filled with the kindness of others. We just have to ask. I admit, that is something that I am still working on. I have always tried to be very independent and hate to ask for help. While homeless, I began to learn new social skills. One of which, includes asking for help. I am still learning this one. It is okay to ask help. I don’t like to get something for nothing. I feel the gratitude and pay from my heart, if nothing else. I appreciate what my followers and others have done to help myself and others. Many a time, someone’s generosity has brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, @Ramon_DeLeon, the manager at @OfficeDepot in Lakeview, Chicago, @mafiahairdreser, @Superdawg, and so many others for all your kindness and help. <3 My phone service is still temporarily suspended because I couldn't pay the monthly bill, but having the new charging cord is a fresh start to getting it back on! I can now charge the phone, use my contacts and calendar to schedule appointments, and use email and make free phone calls on wifi. I am happy!!!!!!!

I don’t know.

I’m sorry for the lack of posting. Due to some things in life and some people who read my blog, I discourage myself from posting about stuff sometimes. I don’t really want to post tonight but feel that I really must apologize for not being as active. I have moods, I am good, I am bad; and today, I just don’t know. Today I am one kind of effed up. It’s hard to explain at the moment. I’m really not sure what to say about things. There is some PTSD involvement. Something happened today that has me kind of scared about what could happen. I am afraid to say what about because of who it involves and how. I thank God for friends though and some advice I have received last week about one issue. I think there have been consequences to my involvement in something (worthy) and, well, I don’t know. I don’t understand why and how someone would treat me the way they did today. But I think I can guess. I am guessing that it could be because I tried to help someone, and someone else got scared. I can’t explain now.

The service on my phone is temporarily suspended because of lack of income, but also my charger frayed a couple days ago so I can’t really use it anyway. So because of this, I no longer have internet access. I will visit a local free public wifi spot on my laptop sometimes to try and catch up. If you send me an email, tweet, or any other communication, please don’t expect a quick reply. Also, the phone number listed on my page as (312) 725-8373 is a Google Voice number accessed through the internet, so it is available and you may text or leave a message on it and I will receive the message when I come online. It is NOT my actual cell number! Though when my cell service is in service again, I have a Google android phone and calls to this Google number will then go through to my cell again as well. I am surviving the phone issue for now, though I am missing a lot of tweet and status update opportunities. Not to mention check ins on Foursquare and other social media. Thanks, folks.

And to a certain relative of mine: Don’t worry about me!

Another day

It’s Christmas Eve, so I am told. Trees and homes are lit and decorated. In some cases, maybe even people. Even my door is decorated. But it still doesn’t feel like Christmas. I miss being with friends and family. I would give anything to be with and talk to my kids again. I am pretty much alone. My mom and brother live out-of-state and I still have some PTSD issues communicating with them. Telling them Merry Christmas is by email or text message. My kids don’t want to see me. My son is confused and still adjusting to me trying to have some part in his life. My daughter is angry and confused, and doesn’t understand about PTSD problems either. I am an have been improving in regards to PTSD issues but the holidays, friend and family problems, questioning the truthfulness about a potential job… I don’t know what I should believe. I want a normal life again. I want my kids back in my life. Even online I sometimes feel alone. I actually hate holidays–especially the last few months of the year as it is related to PTSD issues stemming from things that happened in this time period in 2002. Life isn’t great. Its not horrible either. For the holiday I will just exist.

What would you do?

I’ve had a lot of questions in life. One of the most troublesome was when I became homeless. I had no idea what to expect or what to do. In time, I learned more and found help, again and again. Of course, learning is never ending. Though I am homeless no more, I am still learning about homelessness. I see people on the street, I may talk to, and may offer to try and help them how I can. What if one of the homeless people I met was you?

On April 7, 2011, I was that homeless person. I interviewed with a case manager with Deborah’s Place and was accepted in to their permanant housing program.

Here I receive support services with my housing, and with no time limits. Permanent housing is just that–I can stay forever or for as long as I like.

For my birthday on December 18th, I’m asking my friends and family for a special gift: help me raise $250 for Deborah’s Place–but in under one day that goal was met! I have faith that we can raise more yet! It is still one week to my birthday. Due to reaching my initial goal so quickly, I believe the challenge should raised. Let’s make the NEW GOAL $500.00!

Without this Deborah’s Place, I would be homeless and living on the streets. They help myself and others giving us housing and free services while we work to acheive self-sufficiency. With no income, my rent is free. We residents at Deborah’s Place love it here. We know the reality: if not for this awesome organization, we would be homeless living on the streets again.

Please consider giving to my Birthday Wish, and together we can help end homelessness. If you can’t give now, I’d really appreciate if you’d share this link http://wishes.causes.com/wishes/494455 with your friends, family, and co-workers.

Thanks so much,

AnnMarie Walsh, @padschicago

Trick or Treating at #RamonWOW

Ramon_DeLeon is so awesome! He has been so good to me from the time we first met on Twitter while I was homeless and ever since. I remember the first time I was able to give him a hug. It was at a screening of the documentary I was in, Twittamentary, and fundraiser for my current place of housing with Deborah’s Place. Anyway, I’ve no income. Pizza has always been special, and exciting treat for me. I don’t know if Ramon understands the depth of my gratitude for helping me in my time of need like he does. I owe him so many more hugs! Ramon has been so amazing to even supply pizzas for dinner at my shelter or at Deborah’s Place for everyone! Words can’t describe how happy Ramon makes everyone! This Halloween I was hungry for junk food. I have no money, no costume, and no candy. But it suddenly occurred to me that I could still “trick or treat” and I tweeted Ramon a simple request: an order of lavacakes and parmesan bites. Finally I had chocolate for Halloween!! This Halloween was complete. So thank you, Ramon DeLeon. You have made the inner child in me happy.

Working at it.

I finally received the verdict on the SSDI (disability) case. It was postmarked one month ago and it was just delivered a full month after. It was denied. So, I decided to look at my options. I am talking to people next week about a possible job. I am very excited about this prospect and hopeful for a good outcome! I am nervous too. I want to present well at the meeting and after. I am naturally concerned some about mental health issues if I take on employment. I could potentially redevelop eating issues or problems with PTSD. I will continue mental health treatment to make sure things stay okay and in check. I don’t want to go back to where I once was. I am doing better now. Not perfect, but better. I have some ADHD issues that can’t be fully controlled due to medication problems so I have to try and make a lot of notes. I started using Evernote on my phone for notes and it helps. I use Google calendar to help me keep track of appointments and events. While I’m talking about them… God Bless Google! Anyway, I really hope everything works out. Please say a prayer and wish me luck for the interviews I have this next Tuesday, October 30th. Thanks!

A reunion with my son!

I talked to my son on the phone Thursday evening. Saturday afternoon I held him in my arms! He is the sweetest boy like he always was. He is my baby. The cutest smile. Eyes filled with love. So smart and funny! I am proud of him. Even more because he was willing to call me on the phone that day, and then to spend time with me. That is so impressive! I know how hard it was for my children to be away from me because I was suffering too. I was so afraid to talk to their father. I saw him briefly yesterday when he brought Patrick to me. I was nervous to see and talk to my ex but I focused on my son standing before me. I could have cried but I managed to hold it in. I don’t know how. I love and have missed my children so much the past 5+ years! The moment I heard his voice on the phone I cried. I have tears in my eyes now thinking about how much I loved seeing him and being able to give him a hug and kiss. My God, I love you Patrick! I love sister Kerry so much too!

I want to hold him and never let go. I have always wanted to be with him and his sister. They are the sole reason I am alive today. Having my children away from me killed me. It was because of them, hopes for the future, memories, that served to inspire me and keep me alive and striving to achieve a better life. One that includes my children.

His sister wasn’t there but I think in time she will come around and want to have our relationship again. I have dreamed of doing “girl stuff” with her. Being her mom and friend. Someday, when she is ready. I am waiting. ♥