For love of my daughter

This song has always reminded me of my daughter when she was little and we had that relationship. I still believe she was sent to rescue me like its said in the song, and she has made me happy. I miss her and I love her still, whether she realizes that or not. I wish she would give me another chance and try to understand the issues.

“Depression doesnt wait to Monday.” ~Marie Osmand on @Oprah this morning

#Donations #ThankYou for the love!

Enormous gratitude for all the donations received recently for the homeless! Received were two bags of clothing, and also over 30 puzzles ranging in size from 500-2,000 pieces and a TV with built-in VCR player was donated by ONE person’s family alone! I collected the last of the current donations this afternoon–with promise to donate again in the future! #Awesome!!! The excitement by puzzle enthusiasts at the homeless shelter is indescribable–I was greeted with big eyes and a near scream with the first load of puzzles! I can’t thank Liz and my other followers enough for the joy brought to so many people! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

If you have something to donate, please let me know! Options are unlimited! Cross & Crown Church MOH is also in need of clothing, especially socks, shoes, and underwear. Please see my page about MOH here.

Waterlogged

I skipped my usual dose of Lasix in the morning yesterday because I had an appointment with my primary medical doctor and it was such a long commute– and the CTA doesn’t have bathrooms! He was excited how much I was able to get the swelling down by doubling up on the water pills. Awesome! Continue the water pills and come back in a month to recheck.

Within hours of seeing my doctor I could feel some pain from a little swelling around my ankles. I took a Lasix. Shortly thereafter I started to feel wheezey. My breathing continued to get worse. Within six hours of my doctor appointment I checked the swelling level in my legs. It was 3+ to 4+ edema! That’s seriously not good! I didn’t feel good. I took two more tabs of Lasix. If I didn’t already have these water pills I would have had to go to the hospital last night. It was almost a little scary how I felt. I still have a great deal of swelling but my breathing is much better.

Moral of the story: This obviously means that when I have my next doctor appointment I *WILL* take my water pills that day and not skip no  matter how long the commute!

Payback!

I made it to Cross & Crown’s MOH yesterday and picked up some mail. *GOOD* mail–not bills! One was a prescription discount card. The other was a prepaid credit card that can be reloaded from a Green Dot Money Pak, purchasable at most stores! Having this card will allow me easier access the money donated to my Pay Pal account. (fyi: Pay Pal is not currently working but I hope to have it going again very soon–for now, money can be donated through the Green Dot Money Pak.) Easier access to money means I will be able to purchase things I need: phone service, bus passes, shoes or clothing. If I receive enough donations, I will be able to focus not just on myself, but also other homeless individuals and networking activities. In the future I would like to have separate cards for personal use and helping the homeless. When its raining, have you any idea how much I hate to not invite a homeless person in to McDonalds or a store for coffee? There is so much that could be done for the homeless population that isn’t being done!

I wonder if the homeless community could go on strike? Go on strike for better services or to give up being homeless for a day. If you need a job done, you could go up to one of them who are on strike and hire them on the spot, giving them opportunity to not be homeless for a day. It would take some thinking out and creativity, but couldn’t something similar be done? What are you thoughts on helping to improve the quality of life of those who are homeless?

Not my world

Sent from my mobile. Enjoy.

There is so much sadness everywhere. Earthquakes; tsunami; active volcanoes; nuclear meltdown; job losses; homelessness; poverty; lack of healthcare, affordable medicine and nutrition. Entire buildings are engulfed in flames killing those inside. Children are dying from abuse. It is unbelievable the amount of tragedy in the news. I hope and pray for everyone to have compassion and a generous heart. We need to help others in need and change lives! I long for the day when I can really see the difference, when the human race doesn’t believe in karma but in love instead.

Dreaming

I dream of the day of no longer having dreams. Every night I have bad dreams–nightmares even at times–of my children and family. The dreams can be very sad or anxious,  or any number and combination of feelings. The last I saw my doctor he prescribed 3mg of Prazosin every night thinking it would be good for my dreams. It was–until that point. The new dose made the dreams so much worse!! It was like regressing in treatment. PTSD in my case is already complex and can be difficult. I wish my children and family would be able to understand what I truly go through, the torture my mind instills in me. I would give anything to hold my children again! It kills me that I haven’t seen them in years and they don’t even know I exist. I won’t babysit the children of friends for fear of the emotions and memories of my own. I wish they knew. I wish my children would know that their mom still loves them and imagines life with them again. I don’t know if it will ever happen. I can hope. I pray. I love you Kerry and Patrick. <3

Help! Puzzles desperately needed!

Sent from my mobile. Enjoy.

I am making a plea tonight for donations of puzzles to entertain residents at a homeless shelter. Puzzles of any size are welcome, and perhaps the larger the better as this group works as a team and puts them together quickly! Shelter staff has even brought puzzles from their own homes to try and keep the activity fresh. All of the limited supply of puzzles have been put together multiple times. I am calling on you to please help and donate old or new puzzles! Please email me padschicago@aol.com or tweet me @padschicago for address information. (Tip: Maybe even try dollar stores?!) And please, please, spread the word if you can! Thank you!