What am I doing?

I have just been so busy to trying to get too much done (and no way to finish all I want to do)! It would help if I didn’t live like this–going to homeless shelters, a new one every night of the week, in different towns, needing my feet or other transportation to get there. Some are several miles out! I am lucky and managed to get a ride to tonight’s shelter or else I would be walking 8 miles or so in the rain. I’ve done it plenty of times before, rain or snow, doesn’t matter the weather–its a safe, warm, shelter at the end when I get there. It’s worth it!

During the day I might be found at the library. Which isn’t the easiest or most efficient environment for getting things done! For one, computers have time limits. They are also usually s-l-o-o-o-w. I also like to use my own software from a flash drive and not all libraries allow that. Libraries use filters online and on occasion a perfectly harmless and good website gets blocked. There are distractions also, such as people not obeying the “quiet zone” rules and talking on their cell phones or talking to friends. I am also part of the problem by habitually trying to do too much at once. At any given time you will see me on the computer with two browsers open, one with at least 10-12+ tabs, the other only two or three; and my email program; an Explorer window to easily, always, have instant access to all my files available; Word or other MS Office program; a program to edit my website; and perhaps a chat program, which I rarely use. Maybe more programs. I also can distract easily, like my attempts at multi-tasking by having too many programs and windows open, and will jump from one project to another. Another yet reason? The library is just not a “work” environment to me. I used to only come to the library for recreation and with my kids. After all this time, it is still  hard to stay out of that mentality that it’s not playtime.

The best option for me would be to get in to a different environment, one that has all available supplies and tools, and is structured so I know exactly what I am expected to do. And I will do it. Provided my mental health issues don’t get in the way… But that is another subject for another day.

Unfortunately, it is almost time for me to go. I have been working on this post for almost two hours. In addition to some of the above distractions, I have also been having pain issues which developed suddenly while writing this. I have pushed myself to at least somewhat finish this. I had wanted to stop what I was doing and try to finish tomorrow but I have a little determination in me. Plus, it does offer a little distraction from the pain. Not much. But it is something else for me to focus on.

Long day

I admit, I am becoming a Twitter addict. Should I search for an online tweet therapy? I just started using @HootSuite today and I am loving it! So far, I have to definitely recommend it to all Twitter users as a must-have–especially if you are the type of person like me who tends to try and do too much at once!

I have been bad about posting in the blog lately and I apologize for that. Yesterday I promised a blog post about why I am homeless and writing it is in progress! Keep watching for it with excited anticipation!

Sorry to cut this short today but I have walk to the shelter site now. Luckily, its only about 1-1/2 miles, maybe 2 at most. Tomorrow on the other hand, I’ll have to walk maybe 8 miles or so to get to the shelter site–and the weather forecast is rain! I may get a little muddy and wet. There is no sidewalk most of the way and a small portion may be in the road during rush hour.

Vote for Me for Open Web Awards!

Crazed!

My mind is crazed. I can’t think. I went to the shelter office to turn in a copy of my TB test, and the case”worker” decided he needed to sit down and talk to me about an email and what happened between him, the director, and me a short while back. To remind you in short, it caused me a bad PTSD freakout due to malicious behavior on the director’s part! Since that place now is an emotional trigger for me, I didn’t react nicely to talking to him about it! Then he took his loooooong time to make the copy of my TB test–stopping to talk to other staff about me first before doing it and returning the original to me. (Did ya have to stop at Kinko’s for the copy too?!?!) It took forever! Meanwhile I was getting even more pissed off and agitated! I took some Propranolol to relax some and it has helped but my mind is still fried. I am relaxed enough to not be screaming and B* too many swear words writing this. I got out to the main room there today and when someone mentioned him to me I referred to the case”worker” as an @*****. One of the people he needed to talk to about me (prior to giving me back my original TB test result?!) was evidently the person in charge of the place–”about a ‘related’ issue”. Wow! I feel honored! The executive director had interest in talking to him about me! I almost have to think or wonder, have ya guys got it who I am behind all this web stuff?! Of course with my name and face posted online now, the evidence is there. And I don’t care. I have a voice–I have a right–to post my opinions and experiences. I have thus far respected them and not given them bad publicity by mentioning the name of the actual shelter/homeless services program that I am registered with. I am getting closer to doing it though as more happens. Part of me is almost dying to get the word out what this place is really like! I started this blog wanting to keep open and not bad mouth any particular agency. I thought that I could still write about events and still make readers aware. It just doesn’t feel right to me to single any one out with negative publicity. But I am wondering if maybe I should?

Inspirations

Wow, I just watched Mark Horvath’s interview with St. Anthonys and it was excellent! You should be able to to watch the video here. Some great points!  People really are starting to help each other more and I think this is one way WE CAN do it! Watch it and see some great ideas! This interview has lifted my spirit about service organizations, that there really are some good ones out there! Ones who share similar beliefs as I do!

I have been so sleepy today! Literally falling asleep where ever I sit. I tried caffeine–it didn’t work. It can be a little embarrassing. People don’t realize that I have some health issues and medication that can sometimes make me sleepy. That’s when I really miss not having a home and a bed to go to, so I can sleep off whatever pain or effects that illness can have on me.

I hate pain! But in a way, I am glad to have it. I’ve had pain, both emotional and physical, all my life. When I was little I used to cry myself to sleep at night because my legs hurt. Now, sometimes I still feel like I should cry for my mommy–but I don’t. I take my pain meds and try to put up with it the best I can. So much pain in life and so often has taught me a lot of things, including tolerance. I have considered that pain is actually God’s gift to us. It is meant to make us slow down and think, to learn, and grow.

I haven’t much time before I have to leave for the overnight shelter. I am sorry if I don’t reply to your DM or other posts. I  haven’t been online much today, with trying to walk and attempting unsuccessfully to stay awake.

Shelters are open, & I am warm night & day

Well, I traveled to see my caseworker this morning, finding a quarter on the ground at the bus stop! I got an update finally on her conversation with another agency about me–and they couldn’t find my record. (Should that surprise me for some reason?) So she took more information from me and she’s going to call them back yet again. With any luck, my caseworker will actually call me back this time. I actually doubt it. Caseworkers aren’t known for calling people back. I’ll have to follow-up with her myself. While I was there another caseworker donations I think from her sister, and quite fortunately there were a few things I needed and could use! I put one on right away and have been much warmer all day, thank you! (I ham very happy about this!!!) We talked about health issues, including the possibility of SSDI in the future. Other than that, I updated her on the overnight shelters now being open and a that package someone will be sending me and a few other things going on. Overall–especially because of the clothes I received–I have to say today went well!

Physically, I have some nerve issues going on that is driving me NuTs! One of my arms has been numb and tingly all afternoon. My feet and legs aren’t as constantly numb and tingly nor are they very painful. With all the nerve problems plus muscle and joint pains, I might end up taking a Vicodin again tonight. I am trying to resist it.

It about time for me to leave for the shelter site. I hope you all have a good night! If anyone needs me, you can DM me @padschicago and it will go to my cell phone so I can reply. Or just send a text/call if you have my number. Cya!