Blessings and curses

Another lovely day at the Cross and Crown! I am really tired and have a headache and other problems so I can’t say that I was really alert for all of it, but it was definitely a great day! Plenty of people came. The food was good. Friendship and conversation was all around. The new volunteer who found her way there came back again. Ken offered a great message and music in the service. There was an update on a computer class that they are offering soon.

I finally took a Vicodin for my headache and I’m doing a little better now. Well, I still feel it but at least that part of me is improved. The rest of me…. I should have skipped the food. Its all bad for me. I was starting to get sick the other night already and had some bad arrhythmias. Yesterday it was my stomach and more. Today–its everything. I gotta learn to not eat when I go there. Things could have maybe started to get better instead of worse. My D* kidneys. They don’t filter right. I feel it already. I’m going to be in for a really bad weekend. And its not going to be good with sleeping and living outside. And I’m now out of Vicodin until my doc gets back in the office to ok the refill. Wish me luck on that and more. The most positive thing out of protein and potassium foods making me sick–is I might lose a few pounds, LOL. Not that I’m overweight really, but I wouldn’t mind.

Its Game Time!

I love Mountain Dew!

Volunteers making a difference

I am grateful to many places which offer help for the homeless and those in need. The volunteers of these places offer help from their heart, and kindness from the spirit. It is such a beautiful gift that we receive, more than anything tangible.

Cross and Crown Church’s Ministry of Hope, in Arlington Heights on Saturdays, has a beautiful set up for a hot breakfast and lunch, with an optional worship service, and transportation to and from the church. The food is great! (Mmmm, my favorite–biscuits and gravy!!!) The optional worship service includes some great songs and music, discussion that we can all relate to, and sometimes even videos and popcorn. (Side note: laughing at Pastor’s jokes not required. LOL!)

In starting my site and blog it was my hope and prayer that I would be able to help others, including those like Cross and Crown who do so much and go out of their way to help people like me. I learned today that Cross and Crown has a volunteer because of ME and this site! How awesome and COOL is that?!?! I had a chance to meet her, and she is so sweet and bubbly with personality! She’s perfect as a volunteer!! Tell ya, when she told me she came to them because of reading my blog, I almost could have got up and hugged her! LOL. I am so glad to hear of things like this–that I AM making a difference! I sent Pastor Randy an email expressing how happy I am about being able to give something back to them. I feel really blessed and hope they do too. Thank you.

Wish me luck

I just set up a doctor appointment for tomorrow. I am (or should I sayhave been) sick again. Always, it seems. I was having trouble staying awake again today. Problems with palpitations, nerve and other pains. And now, my gut. Again.

It is very probable that I have lupus. I was told a long time ago that it was one of the possibilities. I guess right now the thought is lupus. And I am so tired of being tired, and of all this pain, and being sick and everything else with it! I really hope tomorrow goes ok and I can finally get the final Dx and get treated. Wish me luck, please. Send positive vibes. Those who are spiritual, say a prayer. I’ll take everything I can get. Thank you.

$100 to give away?!

O-M-G! I was sick yesterday and a little dehydrated from it. The library closed and I walked to the park in the middle of the local downtown area. A woman came up to me and gave me a $100 bill and told me to “get a good meal”!!!! I thanked her and we said good night, and only then did I see how much it was! I was completely shocked!!! I thought it was probably a $10 or something, but no it wasn’t–lo and behold it was a $100 Ben Franklin!!!!!

Well, since I was sick yesterday I wasn’t about to go out and eat a fancy meal last night. Actually I am very afraid to eat today yet, but I had a tiny bit at a local church that has a meal kitchen on Saturdays. My eating habits have been in a restricting phase lately so I’ve barely been eating, so I don’t think it would be good to eat a big meal right now anyway. Well, and all my issues with that besides.

It will almost be hard to spend it. There is a lot that I need! I plan to spend some money on train and bus tickets, I am desperate for laundry, and other things I need. Maybe a tarp to put on the ground under my sleeping bag. I still can’t believe it. Like, wow! LOL!

My secret

There is a secret side to me. I don’t know how to explain it. But being homeless probably only makes the problem worse and easier. It’s nothing shameful. It’s just, I am afraid to admit it, I guess. Sometimes I am ok with talking about it. But right now, when this issue is going on, it becomes hard. I become afraid of myself and what I may do. For insane reasons I start thinking that doing something good and healthy should be avoided. Its like an old best friend, there when I need her. Right now I feel like I need “her”. I want or wish it would be ok. But I know the truth. It’s not. I have medical training. I know. Which makes it even harder on me. I want so bad to go back like I used to be.

Sleepy

Pardon me if I don’t say much today. I am really having a very hard time staying awake. Part of my “normal” health issues. I am falling asleep today, my nerves hurt, my muscles hurt, my joints hurt, my kidneys, I have a headache… I also have a cold and now my ears hurt. I really wish I had a bed to stay in all day.

At least I think the rain is over for now. Hopefully after last nights rain the ground that I sleep on will be dry by tonight. I don’t have a tarp to lay on the ground to protect me from the wetness. I can’t wait to get to sleep! Yaaawn!

God will provide :)

First, I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions. The bus driver recognized that I am homeless and let me ride for free!! I only paid 25-cents for the transfer so I could get back.

Then I get back.

I hadn’t eaten yet today. Someone had bought me a Mountain Dew last night which I saved for this morning and drank. That’s all I’ve had so far. I decided to use money I was saving for the train to the food pantry to buy food instead and thought I could try and get a ride from someone to there next week. I decided on a small microwave pizza–only $1 of the $2 I went in with. (I’ll let it thaw and eat it, LOL.) Well, walking through the parking lot someone I saw in the store walked up to me and gave me a Jewel gift card! With that and going to the church tomorrow for breakfast and lunch, I’ll make it through the weekend just fine for food!

Funny how stuff like this always happens when I decide to “splurge” and eat. I eat, and more food comes my way so I don’t have to go without after.

I admit, a small part of me thought about not eating anything at all today and just going without for the whole day. I have history of an eating disorder, and now that the shelters are closed food is a bit more scarce. Because of my health issues, its not as easy for me to get around all the time to get food, nor do I often have money. Well, I ignored that old part of me and decided to get food like I had planned. A person with history of bad habits like mine and its like I’m being rewarded for eating. Somebody is watching over me.

Website Changes

Greetings! Hope everyone has been enjoying the nice weather! Won’t last long. In case you haven’t heard, we have several days and nights of rain coming. So try to stay dry! I’ll be doing the same at night. It’s not so easy to find a safe and dry place to sleep at night where the police and public won’t bother you nor you them. You know how it is.

The Chat Room is now finally up and running again! Log in with any user name you choose and have a great conversation! Yes, I will log in to the chat room once in a while. If you see me in there, please say hi! Heck, you don’t even need to go in to chat to say hi–just send me an email to padschicago@aol.com, send a fax to (661) 885-6105, post in the Pads Chicago Forums or just post a comment here. I make it so simple for you! And by the way, you can send a fax to me for FREE by going to Fax Zero online! This is NOT a paid advertisement–I have used them many times and it’s great–and–did I say–for FREE too!!!

Also, you may notice the new icon for Pads Chicago! It will show in the address bar or when you bookmark the site to your favorites. (Sorry, not the blog.) Its nothing fancy, but it’s kinda cool. (Made it myself, LOL.)

That’s it for now! Have a great day, everybody!

Sleepy Sunday

Hey!!! The sun is out and the weather is beautiful! I wish the night would be warmer. But it’s coming.

I sat and read a book in the sun this morning. I came online this afternoon. I’ve been a little productive. I’ve been very tired. Like literally falling asleep tired. So I haven’t got as much done as I hoped. There is always tomorrow. The library will be closing and I’ll have to leave soon.

No place to really go after this. I have no money to ride the train. And the weekend passes are a great deal! Wish I could do that. I’ll sit outside somewhere. I don’t know what I’ll do yet since I finished my book earlier. I’d check out a book from the library while I’m here but I have a small fine to pay and can’t. I got the fine because I must have left a book behind at a PADS site and they lost it. It was eventually found in the donations. (Glad nobody picked it up and took it!) Anyway, until I come up with $2 or $3 whatever it cost, I’m stuck without reading materiel. The book I finished was a from the donations at one of the sites. And it’s not a previous library book–I checked! LOL.

I am still kind of anxious at night when I hear noises, listening to tell if anybody might be near and watching me. I wish I had a better place.